Where do I start,

F24 - M22 ( If that helps out )

My person and I have been together for six years. He’s my best friend and much more. Everything started a month ago.

One day after work, he tells me that he’s been feeling like he does not know who he is as a person anymore and unsure of himself. He explains to me that he thought he can keep this feeling pressed down for the rest of his life but I guess it was to much for him to handle. I let him know that I appreciate him telling me and of course ask him how does this make him feel. He says, “Upset and frustrated.” He then goes on to tell me that he needs time to figure things out and I let him know that’s absolutely fine and that we can take a “break” He lets me know that he doesn’t want a break because to him a break means that people usually break up and I explain to him that my definition of a break is the relationship will go on pause; The relationship does not more forward or backwards until other wise. He still does not feel up to it and he says that he will continue the relationship. The following week went by and again after we are both off work and get settled at home, he basically says, “ I’m sorry. I can not continue a relationship with you when I am going through stuff.” So he breaks up with me. He explains to me that this is not what he wanted and that he still loves me and wants to be with me but he just needs some alone time to get himself together and to figure out who he is. Of course I am upset and heartbroken and confused with what just happened and the why. In my head I think we are “complicated” but I understand if he says we are single then whatever.

As the days turn into weeks, he’s been going around crying and not being himself and others have noticed this “change” and are worried. Of course he tells people that he is fine and tries his best to put up a smile. While, I let the world know that I am going through a lot. Some days he wants nothing to do with me and other days he does. Some days he does not want to talk to me or do anything with me or even don’t care what I do or what I say. Then there are days when he wants to watch a movie with me, talk to me, hold my hand, kiss my forehead, or wants me to around him. The crazy part is every night, he still wants me to sleep in the same bed with him so he can cuddle me and hold my hand. Regardless of if he spoke to me or not. If I do not get in the bed, he gets all sad and upset. However, this is all so confusing to me. I am trying my best to give him this time that he needs but I do not know if he actually is interested in me or not. I feel like he’s pushing me away. He only shares bits and pieces of what’s going on with him when he feels like it. He explain, he shared with me that he is at war with himself, he has been putting up walls to protect himself from everyone, that he feels alone and like no one cares about him, that he might be depressed. Now when he tells these things, I just want to help him and support him but I do not know how. Or where I should stand in all of this.

When I ask him if he still loves me he’s answer is, “I still have love for you” or “ I have love for you”. He explains to me that he does not want to say, “ I love you” because he does not want me to get the wrong idea that everything is getting better with him and that he is ready to continue the relationship with me. I noticed that he has been changing his appearance as well. He recently got his nose pierced, he’s been getting his hair braided and he’s now working on getting his ears pierced and trying to get more tattoos. I am not sure what that could mean but I definitely been thinking about lots of reasons.

All I know is that I have been having a hard time sleeping, eating, thinking straight and just about everything. It’s to the point where my own friends and family are now concerned for me and my well being. As they say, I am doing things that are out of my character.

I just do not know what’s going on and what’s happening and if he really is still interested in me or if he is just playing me along. Like I became his second choice or something. I am beginning to feel like I’m not attractive, or beautiful or special or I’m worth something to him. I’m starting to feel like I have to look a certain way or that I must play the part of other females that might be better than me in all aspects. He tells me not to do that because he fell in love with me for who I am am I look but because there’s this lack of communication from his part, I don’t know what to think and I don’t know what to feel and I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know where I stand in all of this.

P.S. I will like to add that our communication has never been like this before. Normally, if something is wrong, we usually let each other know that, “Hey something is bothering me or somethings going on and I don’t want to speak about it right now but give me a couple minutes and I will”. That’s what we typically do. So for him to completely shut me down and not really communicate with me at all, I know that something is definitely going on with him because this is not like him at all.

If anyone could give me some advice or share any thoughts that would be appreciated.

Thank you.

- If you are wondering I am now seeking out a therapist to hopefully help me get my mind back on track.

If there are any scriptures that you can provide for me that they will help me during this time that can give me clarity or help me give a sense of understanding or just the strength to continue this overwhelming time that will also be greatly appreciated. ♡