suicide

I just wanted to vent. I’m on the verge of suicide. I’m 17 and three years ago I was groomed by a group of adults friends (4) and raped by one. They were in their 20s and was aware I was 14. They would have sex with me and gossip about me and tell people I’m easy and would tell guys to text me. It took me time to realize it but I was groomed. I fear my reputation is ruined. I stoped allowing them to groom me but the past haunts me. I regret my choices I made. I worry for my future that I won’t be able to find a husband that everyone will think I’m easy and not understand I was groomed by these men. My body count is still a single digit. I just feel hopeless. I want to tell the police but I don’t know if I should. Will telling the police change my reputation and will people understand my side of the story I’m stuck I don’t know if telling will make the situation better or make me get out of my deep depression. I was in a dark space at the time I didn’t grow up with my dad which affected me and when I got a step dad I finally felt a void was filled but then he turned out to be bad like all other guys. After that I wanted to have male attention and feel loved. I decided to not drink water I learned in class after 3 days no water you die I’m on day 2. I feel tired and my body feels weak. I’ve never skipped a meal or drink In my life but I’m so depressed. If you have any advice that would help I just wanted to vent.