Gf with BPD says she needs a break?

Question

I started dating this girl a month ago. It’s my first relationship despite being 18 (🥲) and it was going great… until it wasn’t. I knew she had BPD going in and how heavily that can affect relationships, but she has also had a ROUGH life so far (addiction, abuse, SA, cancer, loss, PTSD, etc.) She has been very sick with what her doctors think might be a chronic illness and that, along with some other recently dug up trauma, really put a strain on our relationship. I’ve always been supportive and understanding of her needs and I give her space when she needs it, but this past week she’s barely spoken to me at all and when I asked her about our relationship, this is what she said:

I’ve been researching BPD and relationships and basically all anyone has to say is that people with BPD are evil and there’s no point in pursuing relationships with them and if they ask for a break it means they’re cheating/exploring other options. I really don’t think that’s the case with her though. She is a good person and she’s worked SO hard on herself to get to this point. She’s just been going through a lot and I understand if that affects her feelings for me even though we’ve never fought and she’s never had any issues that have to do with me (I’m also aware of the devaluation cycle). I know this all seems like too much work especially for such a new relationship but I do love her and I’m willing to put in any amount of work to accommodate her needs. I guess my question is just is there any hope for the relationship after a break? Or is she just trying to let me down easy? 
Any advice (especially from others with BPD) is greatly appreciated 🩷
UPDATE: I just found her flirting in the comments of another girl’s tiktok. I’m absolutely heartbroken. I know now that I’m probably just her plan B but I don’t think I’m strong enough to turn her down if she comes back. Thank you to all who responded. I really appreciate you taking the time to give me advice.
Another update: she broke up with me last night. She was very cold about it and when I wrote her a nice message thanking her for everything, saying there’s no hard feelings and that I’d like to remain friends, and that I’ll still always be there for her if she needs anything, she left me on read. I guess that’s the end of that lol

Answer

As someone who has ptsd and bpd, and who has been in a relationship for 14 years, I would like to call BS on the advice that we are all evil so don't bother. 
BPD is heavily linked to abandonment and trauma. A lot of the time the distance is because we are scared of someone leaving when it gets tough, and it can also be a result of splitting. My best advice is for you to understand how invested you are in this relationship long term - you are young and may not want that kind of commitment. If you don't think this is a long term thing, then be transparent and walk away kindly. If you can see this being long term, then you need to be able to demonstrate stability, reassure ALOT that you aren't going anywhere despite the struggles and that you have their back. It is going to be a v bumpy road especially in the first few years, but communication and consistency is key. Their thought process will be telling them you are going to leave and they aren't good enough for you, but being there and being your best self will eventually start to reduce the intensity of that. We are very intense people and it's worth researching as much as you can about BPD to understand the cycles and triggers, as only then can you be a team where you both have a voice and space to be yourselves.

Answer

My best friend has bpd and has taken several breaks from her now ex husband (before things got bad) and there was No infidelity on her part. She needed a break from everything and everyone. It doesn’t mean she’s cheating.

Answer

I have several people in my family with BPD. Here's what I have to say. Loving someone with BPD is HARD. Many people with BPD end up abusive in some way or another. Not all, but a large majority. Some one who is truely dedicated to getting better and being a healthy person, managing their BPD, and works hard every single day can be worth the work. However, no matter how you look at it loving someone with BPD is hard and will require a ton of your mental health. More than you realize. If you're in it for the long haul I highly suggest you be in therapy to help youself out with your own mental health. Your partner will also need to be in therapy to help combat their mental health and to ground them. Personally I could never be with someone who has BPD because I have my own mental health issues and don't have anything else to give. My husband has no mental health issues and I know he gives so much so selflessly to help me with my depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. If he did have such good mental health then he wouldn't be able to handle me in the middle of a full blown PTSD episode where I don't even know where I am. If you are truely dedicated to this woman then you need to know it's going to be hard, but there's a difference between hard and getting through a rough patch and abuse.

Answer

Get this book. My husband and I got two copies of the  Asperger’s book from this series and it really helped us navigate the beginning of our relationship. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder, formerly called Asperger’s Syndrome.

Answer

Also, this one.

Answer

And this one.

Gf with BPD says she needs a break?

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