Hello everyone! I hope your day and your baby has you smiling. Hopefully, you can help me.

My baby boy was born at 29 weeks by emergency c-section; I had preeclampsia (my usually low blood pressure went to stroke level and still hasn’t been normal since) I also had a heart issue long QT syndrome, so he had to come out within hours. He had no issues except for being on a breathing tube for a bit. He was so tiny. Anyway, his father would not let me make any decisions and went against what doctors told us to do because he was pissed at the hospital. He wouldn't support me in going out to to baby classes (I have PTSD, bipolar 2, OCD, and agoraphobia) and knew I needed him to come with me since I was struggling with my mom's sudden death and having no family that's living. Everything I worry about her tells me I'm crazy and he has raised 6 children already. He's out of the house right now due to a bad argument where he was sent to jail but honestly shouldn't be. That's another story. Even before this, I kept telling him I was worried about this and the fact he was still on formula and barely baby food. His pediatrician didn't seem to care either. Need a new pediatrician right?

Well, now due to this fight, DCF and another children’s & women's advocate are coming and are going to come every week. I don't do anything wrong but I'm worried because of him not crawling or sitting up. I've done things on my own to try to help him crawl. He holds himself up but won't push up. Whenever I try getting him to sit up he freaks out and pushes back until he's stiff as a board and yells. He has constipation and GERD, and the doctor said that's why he pushes back and arches backward. I'm at a loss and terrified. I feel like if I drop a sock on the floor they will say I'm a bad mother. My anxiety attacks are constant already and when they come here I can't breathe or think.

And the food? We started him late because his doctor didn't say anything until a few weeks before he turned 12 months old. We always had him try foods that went with his age but not “full on.” the pediatrician hasn't even told us how many calories he should eat a day. When I should have completely stopped formula, and didn't care that he was behind on crawling.

I know I sound like an idiot but I gave up because we had a very abusive relationship at the beginning. He finally, but slowly, stopped the behaviors but he still calls me names and he thinks that because “he says he doesn’t mean what he says when he’s mad

” I should know and not be hurt. Sorry, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t. Especially when you use my life, my rape, my health and mental health, against me. I told him “do you realize you made me disgusted with my self? My self esteem is shattered, and it’s killing me.?” I barely know who I am anymore. I tell him that it’s abuse and due to all the ways he’s abused me, I just feel like I barely exist, and I’ve become a person who’s scared to upset you or tell you know because for so long there was hell to pay.

That’s why I was scared to question him too much and why I trusted him to know what to do. But now I’m all alone and don’t know what to do for my baby. We finally got to a place where abuse is honestly (except the temper and saying rude things still at times) but we were starting to look for a therapist for him. I have a psychiatrist. We work well together and have roles for how we take care of baby. We found out my boyfriend has had two strokes and cancer showed in his tests. So we both have health problems. I need multiple surgeries and I need to get my mental health better because it's affected my health in itself. Together, we have really made a great life for our baby.

Can anyone help me? Give me a dive? Know about preemies and their crawling/sitting up? Any pediatricians around?

And his food? He's 18 lbs, 12 months, 1 week. Everything I read says something different and my pediatrician just said he needs to start on food now and start drinking milk soon. I'm overwhelmed with these issues. He's kept up with all his other markers. Due to dad robbing me and bulling me out of 40k that I'd saved for 10 years I haven't been able to give him the dream nursery and everything I feel he should have but I do my best and talk to him about everything. I can't even get a loan since I had to use my credit cards to save us so many times that now I'm in debt. My credit was 775 when we met and now it's 451. I worked so hard. When I told him I was going to get a new car, he told me that my priorities were screwed up. He made me question things about myself. That's why where we are with everything being behind. Had no money when we were hit by Hurricane Ian so I get screwed, plus someone stole my identity. I called every day multiple times, filled out their fraud report, and nothing was done, none of them told me anything I could do except wait for the fraud dept to call and not to worry because they won't forget you. Well, they did. I proved who I was and did what they told me. So, I have no emergency money and I'm on Disability (SSDI).

I love the trading help program you guys have buy I can't even participate because I'm broke. I never thought this was going to be my life. I have always tried my hardest but have given my life up for others. This time I was finally going to work on myself. I'm hoping to find balance eventually.

Thank you for listening (reading) all of this. I have no one to talk to so I wind up venting when I don't mean to. MOST IMPORT, however, is please help me with my baby and what I should/can do. I'm desperate.

Sincerely,

With love and good wishes to you all ❤️ 🌟💕🍼

Laurie