Am I having a Midlife Crisis?

So, I have met someone new since my 8 year up and down battle with my ex who eventually took his life. We connected (brought up the conversation of dating) 6 months after my ex passed away and a year and half after he broke up with his ex. We had been friends for 2.5-3 years and were both going through similar relationship issues during that time and it really broke and wore us down. He tried going on dates again but it wasn’t working out, and I was determined I would probably never ever want to date again because of the pain I was suffering through.

Long back story short, we took a leap of faith and decided to date each other. We are now 2 years and 2 months in and we still greatly love each other. Both of us want to take the next big steps in our life and have talked about marriage. He is thrilled at the idea as am I, but the biggest thing holding us both back is, I want one baby, and he wants none. I am now tossing and turning about what I should do because we have set an end date for our relationship to be after February of 2024. I know I am not ready for kids yet because I still have a lot of healing and financial building to do, but I think I still want at least one kid.

I think about it often of what life will be like if I choose not to have a kid, and while he makes me happy and has been everything I have wanted in a partner, I will feel like I missed out on a big part of my life if I marry him and choose the DINK (double income, no kids) life.

In this economy…..living expenses are getting really tough to manage and I also have a big fear that I may never be able to afford having a child because of how hard living has become. When I think of the pressure I then wonder if I should even have a child in such a harsh economy and with all the crazy things happening around us. I also don’t want to miss this moment in my life where I have finally found the partner I have been wanting. He cooks, cleans, is financial stable, and communicates very well and we seem to really complement each other mentally, physically, and emotionally. If we were to have a disagreement on something or struggle with something which is super rare we actually talk it out and it’s a very nice change from what we used to have to deal with. We are into the same things and love our down time to focus on activities we want to do which is very nice. He knows I want one kid with him but if I really love him should I opt out on not having kids and be happy I have finally found the one I have been waiting for?

My ex denied me kids and marriage and kept me believing we would have all of that someday. I had surgery to remove uterine fibroids and found out I had stage 4 endometriosis which has to be removed. I now have to permanently be on birth control to keep the Endo at bay from growing. Life seems to be pushing me away from kids. What do yall think? I’m not sure I even want to date still once we end things. Was thinking of artificial inseminating and raising a child on my own which I know is very free/forward/new age thinking (you can call me crazy for it), but I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.