I’m currently in my twenties, and me and my boyfriend have been together for almost five years now. Recently, he brought up to me that he wants me to stop drinking alcohol and smoking by the time we’re 30, primarily because he wants us to live a long, healthy lifestyle, especially if we decide to have children in the future.

Lately, he’s been wanting me to do these things less/stop doing these things “impulsively” when we hang out with our friends. I don’t really partake in these things everyday, maybe 3 or 4 times a month tops, and I never really do them alone—only in social situations.

We had a really long conversation about this, and he ultimately said that if we didn’t stop partaking in these things heavily (like not just having a wine or two) by the time we’re 30 then that’s a deal breaker to him, and that he values this so much that if I didn’t stop drinking/smoking by 30 he said we would break up.

I personally feel somewhat the same way, and know that I eventually won’t do these things as often or do them when I’m older. However, I feel myself gaining resentment for him because it feels like he’s controlling what I do, and the fact that I would have to ask him for “permission” to partake in these things whenever we hang out with friends makes me feel suffocated and uncomfortable. Especially the fact that it was so easy for him to admit that we would break up if I decided to still do these things after I’m 30.

What should I do in this situation? I love him very much, and I don’t want to break up with him, but I also want to keep my sense of freedom without making him upset.