I know there are probably many posts like this but im stuck. I cant go into full details because it would take days to type so i will just talk about recent events. I was with my now ex for almost 8 years we have 2 children together, he has not been the best partner and neither have i, i know there are times ive been moody or tried to walk away due to my own issues with the added fact of him being the way he was with me, he would comment on my weight, compare me to other women and generally put me down and then lash out when we argued. I grew up in a large family and there was always arguements i was the youngest of 8 so my first response is to leave. Since having the babies things got worse and i tried more and more to be what he wanted, it came to a point when our youngest was only 2 weeks old i told him to leave id had enough. This was in july and it went from us being able to communicate and family days out, to him sending me abusing over whatsapp and even videos of other women. I took a stand and blocked him. He then some how conviced me that it would all be ok and we should try again. More ups and downs happened and the 2 weeks before christmas we said its the final straw and i felt he really heard me and was going to change and he did until a week ago, one of the issues we had was him messaging other women on snapchat, and there was one evening i went to go and lay my head on him and he was mid message on snapchat and then sketchy came off the app and started talking about something. I wasnt even bothered at that. He then sat the opposite side of the sofa and finished typing the message out and sent it, again didnt bother me until i ask him a question about dinner 3 times and he ignored while typing, when he then looked up i was obviously looking at him waiting for a reply and he just said WHAT i asked him again and he said alright dont have to be a dick i was like im not ive asked 3 times though, he then proceeded to try to start an arguement i said im not doing this and went to make dinner. That is what upset me and made me think why did he just do that. I did dinner put kids to bed and just said to him who was you messaging on snapchat (he asked me to ask him like this so i dont assume he is messaging another girl and get annoyed) to which he completely kicked off at me and said fucking no one oh now you are going to accuse me of cheating. I said calmy no im just asking like we said we would adress and fix. Thats didnt get resolved i left it, skip to 2 days later he made a comment about my boobs so it upset me i tried to say that and he kicked off again. I left him to cool off and later that evening tried to speak about things and say how we went over our problems and he agreed to listen and understand me, only to be met with more kicking off, i told him if this is how its going to be i dont want the relationship, he said it was because im a "c**t" so i said i am done. He ended that with " well its not worth it anyway" i then went to bed at 8.30 to get away from him. I woke up and went to make my morning tea started drinking it thinking it tasted funny only to realise he had pour salt in my sugar. Later that day i asked him when he was leaving, again shouted at me. Soon after my mil turned up as she does once a week to have the kids. The arguing stopped. I went outside into my garden to cool off and i could hear him shouting about me inside, i came in and said nothing and went to go to another room and was told by his mum i HAD to talk to him i said i didnt want to, i tried a number of times only to be shouted at, i just want him to leave and that was it he was shouting his head of with a load of lies about me his mum was then questioning me, his mum then took the kids for mcdonalds as planned and i went to the shop and told kids i was going for a walk and would meet them back in a bit. I got home after maybe half an hour only to be met with screaming again INFRONT of the kids. I was a shit mum because my kids didnt know where i was and then questioned by his mum on where i went even though i told her and she had even repeated to kids mums just going for a walk and she will meet us back here. I left again as to not lose my temper and said to his mum can you please either calm him down or get him to leave but this can not happen in front of children (he wouldnt let me take kids because they are HIS kids) i was trying to defuse by leaving as they both claimed i was the problem i told my children i was going round the corner on a bench so things can calm down. Only to have a friend of mine call me to say my 12 yo had turned up at hers crying because my ex and his mother was arguing. I ran home obviously to make sure kids are ok and kick them both out and his mother tried to blame my friend for gettng involved so i told her they are the problem not my neighbour making sure my son was ok. She stood there and said ive got to drive home upset now. I did lose it because he was playing victim and now she was, so i said you are now the victim when neither one of you have thought of the kids!! She got in my face and scream if i die on the way home its on you?!?!?! I laughed and said i see where your son gets in from! I shouldn't have laughed and its not.like me but i was very much feeling mumma bear. She then claimed to see a different side to me and then my ex said see this is what ive had to deal with for years and they both just ganged up on me. I got them to leave in the end by saying i was phoning police. He has since contacted me and begged and pleaded for me to fix things and i dont want to. I came to ask for advise but now typing this all out i would be an idiot to allow him in my life again right?