My husband and I had been going through a very difficult time during the last year with multiple strains on our relationship and this led to a phase where we were just trying to live through these issues, not focusing on our relationship and just started to loose ‘us’. There was so much tension with constant disagreements and a lost of intimacy(not sex but more emotional/spiritual) between us and it got gradually worse to the point where I felt like I just didn’t care anymore.

I quickly realized that I was wrong and that I did care when about 8 months or so into these problems I woke up early one morning and I noticed some text from another woman on his notifications. I went through his phone and discovered that he had cheated. I felt sick to my stomach and questioned everything in this universe. Why? How? When? Where? How long? Fast forward I did confront him and he was very open and honest about it and he basically broke down and apologized said it had absolutely nothing to do with me it was all him and he regretted it and that he had no good excuse but apparently this person had led themselves onto him and it so happened at a vulnerable time for him when he ‘felt like everything was falling apart for him’ and mentally he wasn’t in the right situation to make logical decisions but he felt instant regret after their hook up and that he had no interest in continuing any type of relationship with this person. So that’s a basic summary of days of discussions we had afterwards. He has since cut all communication with the person, blocked them from contacts and social media and I confirmed with phone records that from the time they started talking to the time I found out was about a month so I know it hadn’t gone on for a long time.

Brief history of us, we’ve been together for 13 years should be celebrating or 10th wedding anniversary very soon and we have 3 kids together. The issues we were having before the cheating episode are new to us, I’ve never had any reason to not trust him before this, we both have always been open with each other’s passwords for everything for the last 13 years for all devices, all social media, all financial services etc.

It’s now been 5 months since finding out and I still don’t know we’re I wana be. Of course I hate what he’s done and I have questioned everything surrounding our relationship and the person I thought he was but at the same time I don’t hate him. OTHER THAN THIS he’s never mistreated me, never abused me, always respects my wishes, always supported me through everything, I couldn’t have asked for a better dad to the kids, he has a good career, no bad habits.

He’s expressed that he wants us to remain a family and for us to work on rebuilding what we had before the issues and the cheating episode. He also stated that this was his first time cheating and he discovered that it wasn’t for him. Although I question the truth behind everything he says and does right now I think I believe this because I’ve never really suspected anything in the past and to be honest he doesn’t seem to be good at it from what I’ve seen.. but what I do know from my ex is that they get better at it and I’m so so scared to go through this again.. Even though we’re still facing our initial issues I can see that he’s putting effort in pouring back into the relationship which is helping me to not be as neglectful to it either.. I just can’t help but worry that this is just a temporary show. I haven’t seen him this affectionate and attentive to me in a long time and while one half of me want to embrace it all the other half of me wants to be in full defense mode. We’ve recently been having some of the best sex which blows my mind in the moment but then I start thinking about the incident and sex between him and someone else. At this point I’m more inclined to working with him to work things out but I’m not sure if I can go on if I keep questioning every single thing and being reminded of the other person every time we get physical.. Has anyone been in a similar position? How did it work out in the end? Does anyone have advice other than therapy?

Thanks for reading my story.