Does this mean he finds me unattractive?

Question

I’m dating a guy. Had 7 dates.

In the evening on dates, we are very affectionate, lots of playful banter, kissing, we can’t take our hands off each other. He knows I’m looking for a serious relationship. We’ve had three dates where we sleep together..
 But he always wants me to leave early in the morning, or he leaves my house early. He plans leaving early the night before. Then he doesn’t message to check I drove home safely (I live an hour away). He’s distant between dates, slow to reply to texts and never asks me on the next date until the last minute
 Also last date, when I stayed over, I had a nightmare and patted him on the chest in my sleep. I was all frightened. Which woke him up. In the morning I was embarrassed, and he didn’t reassure me just said ‘yeh woke me up twice.’
 He’s never physically affectionate in the morning and I don’t know what’s wrong with me

Answer

It sounds to me like you’re a booty call to him. Asking you out last minute, being irritated that you sought comfort from him in the middle of the night, leaving or having you leave early and not spend time together after a night are all signs to me that he isn’t serious about you.

Answer

Nothing is wrong with you, hes just only interested in sex.

Answer

You post about this person A LOT, which is fine but at this point you’re still very unclear of what’s happenening. Maybe you should take some time to yourself to reevaluate what’s going on.

Answer

Maybe because you’re giving it up so easily, and giving them the upper hand to dictate the relationship. Letting them determine what it is rather than you. How long is it from day one conversation or meeting until first sex? I tell men upfront, I don’t do friends with benefits, I don’t do hook ups, I’m a relationship person, and if you’re not down with that, and I don’t waste my time. If he runs the other way, good, I didn’t waste my time. If a guy tells you upfront, he doesn’t know what he wants, he’s just looking for a companion, he’s just looking to have fun, Etc. gotta be in short term and not serious mode, and if he’s not physically saying  I’m looking for a long-term relationship that leads to marriage, then that’s not what he’s looking for. Unfortunately, online dating has ruined dating. It’s talking to multiple people at the same time and seeing who gives you the best offer for what you are looking for. Who puts out on the first date, who is not complicated, who has a car that can transport me, a place to live so I can get away from my moms or wife or baby mamas, or money,  so I’m gonna mess with Sallie because she’s willing to do whatever for me and got what I’m looking for. It’s opportunities, it’s telling people what you wanna hear, it’s, unfortunate that  there’s more married men than there are single men online. Men with pregnant baby mamas are wives, just looking to have a side piece or a back up plan, and yes, it absolutely sucks, but setting a standard from the beginning I think is where you are faulting. Letting them have easy access, not having to work for it, not having to take you out on dates, not having expectations or guidelines that they have to meet.  If they think you’re high maintenance, good. Because you deserve better than just coming over and Netflix and chilling and hooking up. if you want to be with me, then you need to do XY and Z. If you don’t live up to my standards, then this doesn’t go forward. I need to get to know you, we’re taking things slowly, they come around if you are what they want, they will make the effort and be consistent, if you are what they want and if you are with it. If they disappear, it’s because that’s not what they want. They want somebody who’s easy, who they can hook up with, who they can use or take advantage of. You need to set that from day one. I am somebody who appreciates effort and consistency. You never have to ask or beg man for attention or affection or love. By you saying things like you know, it really puts a smile on my face when you wish me a good morning, and it gives me a great way to start my day and I really appreciate it by recognizing and appreciating something he’s done, I really appreciate it. You never have to say why won’t you text me good morning. I appreciate it when A man makes an effort to wish me good night or check that I made it home safely, you set the standard, he will know what is expected of him. And again I don’t mean any of this to offend you or hurt your feelings or anything else, but it seems to be a trend that you’re making poor decisions. i’m sure you’re tired of it. Maybe it’s time to set that standard, realize your worth and your value, and if you truly want more, take the time, go, slowly, let them earn it, don’t make it that easy. We all go through phases, right now, I’m in a having fun phase, sometimes I won’t touch  a man unless he’s husband, material,I’m 45, been dealing with men long time. It’s going into things with your eyes, wide-open, taking things for face value, and remembering that actions speak louder than words. It’s not giving them chance after chance to disappoint you. Or the benefit of the doubt. It’s noticing red flag and letting that be your guide rather than collecting them like a dozen roses before you wake up and smell the coffee. One of the exs that came back only lasted a month a half. I don’t waste my time. He was 36. Had 2 kids back in his country. But acted like a 20 year old black out drunk and hung over and useless after that. You make a commitment to something you follow through. Just like a job, you no call, no show you get fired. Like baseball I give you 3 chances. I don’t enjoy being disappointed or left hanging. Etc. I didn’t sleep with him. We went out to dinner each time. We would make out and stuff. He paid for dinner each time. He messaged me. I miss you. I miss going out to dinner with you and hanging out. I don’t care if we go as just friends I miss you my beautiful queen. My first thought was: You failed to replace me with someone else or it’s cuffing season and you are lonely. I don’t think, omg he’s in love with me and wants to be with me. Nope. I take it for face value. He apologized for his drinking and disappointment etc. I said I forgive you. But we have not hung out. I let effort come from him. He contacts me. He makes the effort. And has to show me why I should give him the time of day. And it’s not that I’m a bitch. I have value. You have what he wants. Your time. Your effort. Your body. Stop letting them dictate the relationship. What it is. Having the control. The person who cares less has the control because the other person does whatever to keep them around and happy. Once they realize they you don’t want to be alone, that’s when they have the upper hand and call the shots. Meanwhile the other person does whatever so they won’t be alone. They feel they aren’t enough. And try harder. You make the effort instead of them. And end up getting used. I have no or being alone. You don’t live up to my expectations, there’s the door. I don’t need a man. A man doesn’t complete me. I complete myself. It takes time to get to know someone. No one says hi, these are my faults, this is my baggage, these are my intentions, this is what I plan to do to you are you ok with that. Everyone puts on their best face in the beginning. No one is going to say hi I’m a narcissist, hi I’m controlling, hi I’m abusive and have anger issues, or I have a history of cheating on every partner etc. that’s why you take it slow. You listen to your gut. You don’t dive in head first or get attached until you know the feelings are reciprocated otherwise you jump headfirst into an empty pool without anything to catch you.

Answer

Stop being available last minute 🤷🏼‍♀️
And if he can’t be more chivalrous during sleepovers, then you shouldn’t do them. 
You show people how you want to be treated…

Answer

It has nothing to do with attraction. If he didn’t find you attractive date 1 would not have happened. Unless he said you’re ugly and put a bag over your head it’s not an attraction thing. He gets what he wants and is put in the morning. Maybe he’s gotta pick up his kid or a job to go to. Etc. it’s just sex. It’s cuffing season that time between Xmas and valentines where people are lonely and desperate and hope you are too and exactly what they are looking for is companionship aka a warm body and that’s what he’s got with you. Guilt free sex. No commitment. Friends with benefits. Hooking up. Casual sex. Don’t read too into it. It’s just sex. He doesn’t want more. If you do then stop having sex. You aren’t what he wants. He’s settling for now until something better comes along. If you can’t separate sex from feelings the. This isn’t for you. Like jumping head first into an empty pool with nothing to catch you. He didn’t care that you were upset. He was annoyed that you woke him up. A decent guy would have held you a cuddled and comforted you. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s not a relationship. It’s just sex. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I had 2 exs contact me the same week trying to get back with me. And another after that. It’s cuffing season. It’s something to do.  It’s company. Everyone is getting engaged or married or babies and social media makes you feel lonely. So you reach out and grasp at straws for anyone that will have you. I have to remind him that we aren’t dating. It’s just company. He’s getting attached. But I don’t want more. He’s not the man of my dreams, he’s company and something to do right now until tax season starts that’s about it. I keep my options open. He’s a back up plan. That’s exactly what you are. You need to Back up the attachment and emotions and take it for face value. If you can’t separate sex from feeling then this isn’t for you and you need to move on. Please remember that people tell you what you want to hear to get what they want. Disappointment is usually the 1st red flag. And that’s where you are now. Disappointed that he didn’t comfort you or care. But now you know where he stands. And it’s your decision if you want to continue or move on.

Answer

I don't think it's you at all. It's something with him. Not sure if it's a booty call or what… I would just talk to him about your confusion because it seems like he's giving mixed signals, and see where his mind is at. And also let him know what you need from him and see if the two of you can come to some sort of compromise. ￼

Does this mean he finds me unattractive?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey