Am i in the wrong?

Question

So tonight my husband (been together 10 years) went through my facebook messager because he has it on his phone since he doesnt have a facebook. He got upset with me that i had a couple messages back and forth with a male co worker (i think like 16 messages total over the course of 6 months). Me and this co worker are friends, not flirty in anyway. Im really close friends with his wife so i feel comfortable around him. We have like a joking type of sibling relationship. In no way shape or form have i ever flirted with this man, nor could i ever see him in that way. Well my husband didnt like i talk to another man and said i am not allowed to talk to guys. He doesnt talk to girls so i shouldnt talk to guys. He said im a whore and nasty. Is he right? Am i in the wrong? I just feel like if anything regarding my male friend made him uncomfortable, he could come to me and communicate his feelings, instead of lashing out on me and threatening to start talking to girls. Which i honestly dont have a problem with. I trust him to have whatever friends he wants. Ive never cheated, never gave him a reason to think ive cheated, he is just insecure. This sucks and i just need advice because i dont know what to do :(

Answer

These comments are not it. You are allowed to have friends as a married woman. Your husband should not be logged into your Facebook account or going through your messages. Your husband should not be calling you a whore. Your husband should not be controlling who you can talk to. Your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive.

Answer

Nah absolutely not. You are allowed to have friends, male or female, and unless those friendships become inappropriate he has no right to tell you not to talk to them 🤷🏼‍♀️. I have male friends and wouldn’t drop them if a guy told me to because I know I’m not doing anything wrong by having platonic male friendships.

Answer

No, he’s not right and he shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. You can talk to whomever you want. No one can control your friendships, regardless of relationship status.

Answer

He is wrong for name calling. I do agree in boundaries between men and women when you are married though. My husband is my only male friend. I don't have a need for conversation with men who aren't related to me unless it's strictly professional at work. Also the main thing I hear from men is that they know how other men are. Your intentions may be pure theirs (his)  may not. He loves you and he doesn't want another man giving you attention. Some ppl may disagree and that's fine, at the end of the day you two will have to sit down and have a  respectful conversation about what's appropriate for YOUR marriage.

Answer

What the hell kind of question is this? No it’s not OK for your husband to call you a whore when you have a casual friendship with a male coworker. That would be my l ex-husband

Answer

He is wrong. You’re allowed to have friends, regardless of sex. If he chooses not to have female friends, that’s on him. If it was a boundary for him, he should’ve talked to you about it when your first started dating/before marriage. Hey, no friends of opposite sex work for some people but not me because I fully trust my partner, and vice versa.
Resorting to name calling like that is a fuck no, for me. He would be out unless he gets some therapy on how to properly communicate with people and work on his insecurity.

Answer

He needs therapy.

Answer

File for divorce.

Answer

While I have no qualms about my fiancé making female friendships — the way in which those friendships transpire, matters. Generally, any friends I make of the opposite sex are through friends of my fiancés or partners of my friends, it’s not just a random guy I met out and about or in this case, at work. 
This isn’t to say I don’t have platonic relationships with my male coworkers, I do. But it’s not on such a level that I would add them to my social media accounts or contact them outside of work unless maybe it were work related. But that’s just me personally. 
My fiancé has female friends he actually hangs out with on a regular basis, but they’ve been friends longer than him and I have been together. But if he had made a female friend at work that he was communicating with outside of work, to any capacity, and I didn’t know about it, I don’t know if I’d have reacted the way your husband did, but I might be skeptical of their friendship. 
So I think the best course of action, would be to give your husband the benefit of the doubt, and try to see from this perspective, that maybe he is insecure and jumped to worst case scenario and is upset. He definitely should have expressed that in a way that wasn’t so combative — calling you a whore and nasty is an inappropriate over reaction and he should not have said those things. That also needs to be addressed. 
But I would apologize. Even if YOU don’t think you’ve done anything to warrant an apology, HE does. So tell him you’re sorry that you didn’t tell him about this coworker and your friendship, maybe you didn’t think to because you didn’t realize it was necessary to do so, and you know now, that it was and you should have, reassure him that it is platonic, however, if he is not comfortable with you communicating with this coworker outside of work, you will respect those boundaries — but those boundaries could have been discussed without name calling and degrading you. And you feel hurt as well by that and likely too because you feel like he doesn’t trust you.

Answer

He’s wrong for calling you a whore. BUT I agree that there is no place in marriage for messages with the opposite sex that your husband/wife doesn’t know about. Try to put yourself in the opposite position. You find text messages on his phone, 16 of them over months from a female coworker, and you had no idea until you found the messages. How do you feel about it? Try to understand he’s upset because the secrecy. And the other guy is married. I just wouldn’t cross the line. You don’t NEED to talk to this guy unless you see him in person, so why do it? It can hurt your marriage. You are not a bad person for it, but just apologize, tell him you realize you would be upset also, that there is nothing but friendship, and that you are sorry you crossed that boundary not realizing it could hurt him.

Am i in the wrong?

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