Scared to stray away from the religious morals I grew up with

I grew up extremely religious. I wear dresses all the time. I keep my hair up. Wasn't allowed alone with the opposite sex. Homeschooled my entire life. No sex education once so ever. I have 6 siblings and my second oldest brother is the first to stray away from morals and it has turned out bad for him family wise. He seems to be doing fine otherwise. He's 24 and started doing things like being alone with girls even though he's not married. He dyed his hair. He got a tattoo and when I tell you my parents literally almost passed away when he got a tattoo. It was considered tearing the family apart and he started to get pushed out of the family. He's been making music for a while now. He's been doing the punk rock type of music and my parents have decided they only have 3 sons instead of 4. They have started pretending he doesn't exist. Especially when he made his first album and the picture he used for the cover is him naked, showing off all his tattoos with a middle finger and a guitar covering up his genitals. Me and my brother still talk and him changing so much has made us closer in my opinion. I'm the only family that still talks to him and he's doing fine in life. He's built himself a fan base, has nice friends and is living life how he wants. My family already gives me grieve for staying in contact with him. I honestly want to start exploring myself more. I want to cut my hair. I want to wear a bikini to the beach. Talk to the opposite sex without being babysat. I want to widen my friends group. With people from different backgrounds. I was never allowed to be friends with anyone who wasn't Catholic. I made a friend with a Jewish girl once and was banned from seeing her when my family found out they were Jewish. I want to wear pants. But straying caused my brother to get ostracized from our entire family. And idk who I am without my family. I just know I'm unhappy. I'm 19 and right now my parents are pushing me so hard to get married to a family friends son who I don't even like. This may sound weird but I get this feeling about him. Idk, I just feel like once we get married when we are alone he will be horrible to me. I thought about asking my brother what made it easy for him. I'm just really feeling stuck and want to find myself you know? But that could cost me my family in the end