Ok so rant time

I meet this guy and things were great . I had gotten out of a long relationship with a guy from high school on and of for about 8 years . This relationship was very toxic. He ghosted me several times including when I was in the ICU ANS WHEN MY GRANDPA DIED. He would check on me always where I was who I was with. He would track my location and was so mean to me always saying that I wasn’t good in bed, that all I’m good for is to be a friend with benefit. There was no trust he would always treat me like I was cheating . Check my phone and all my apps. For 8 years I put up with this and the constant sexual assault he would always force me to have sex sometimes I wanted it . Others I would not he would just hold me down and force me so many times I would lay there and just cry. He would even do anal on me forcefully it was so horrific. I had such bad self esteem, and no trust in men after this. I worked in me and got to a better place. this new guy I meet was everything I wanted in a guy . He was so nice loved god his family. We had similar interests and he had an actual career and was mature enough to tell me his intentions since the beginning. He even went to the same elementary school where I am currently a teacher so crazy. Everything was great . He was always wanting to see me , he would call me , txt me cal me sweet things. Go on dates get me whatever I wanted. Was so polite and a gentleman always. So I thought it was going good slowly he stared texting me less which I usually would block people or myself distance from them. I didn’t cause w we are both about to be 30 I wanted to be more mature. Then days went by with in every reply and still I was the one double texting seeing if he wanted to hang. Till one day he told me I was condescending, and not a good listener, and that I had a drinking problem. All to which I was taken a back because no one had ever said that to me. I never think I act that way but people perceive things differently.I apologized because that wasn’t my intention. We had sex and things got better. He was more responsive and again told me that he wanted something with me. A week later same thing but worse now it was one text a day . Sometimes not even a text I felt so bad . I genuinely liked him he then proceeded to stand me up twice in a row no response . Till he apologized for behaving like and ass and told me that I probably think he’s an ass and he just wanted me to pass time or fuck but that was not the case. I legit asked what do you want. This is when he just ghosted me is been two weeks and nothing . Now I feel so bad used again . To top it off another guy I dated told me he didn’t want anything with me and sends me a vidoe on him on a date grabbing a girls booob. We were going to hang out today and yesterday he says I don’t want anything with you yet sends me a vidoe with another girl grabbing her boob and ass. He called it a date yet with me he says he doesn’t want anithing serious with me or anyone. Really omg I am so over this bs it is really deep trenches out here.