I thought I was doing the right thing....

I thought for the last 12 years I had done the right thing and now my adult child won't talk to me😞😞😞.

He had a best friend since 3rd grade. I'll just call him J*. J was a little troubled. Not really a "bad" kid. He never had bad intentions in anything he did. But he had a really shitty home life and ended up in foster care, so he would just do things and make impulsive decisions.

My husband didn't like J because he thought J had a crush on my son. And my husband ISN'T homophobic. We have 4 daughters and one of them IS bisexual. His issue with it is we only ever had one son and it's always been important him that our son passed down the family now because the son does, the daughter doesn't. He was just worried our son wouldn't end up having biological children if he was gay or bi and therefore not pass down the family name. That was his only reason for not liking J.

When the boys were 14 they were at J's foster parents barn and J had gotten ahold of some illegal fireworks. My son told J not to mess with those which was a common thing. My son tells J something is a bad idea and he would still do it. Idk all the details. Just that J messed with them anymore and my son ended up getting hit by one of the fireworks and the caught the barn on fire. Somehow J got out but my son didn't and the firefighters had to get him out and he was hurt BADLY! He lost %80 of his vision in one eye. He was permanently burned and when the barn started falling a apart from the fire a piece landed in him and he was stuck and how it landed caused them to have to amputate his left leg. I was devastated and crying in the hospital and my son had asked about J. J got hurt to but not nearly as bad and he tried to come see him and he apologized to me saying he ran to get help and he's so sorry. But I told him my son doesn't want to see him anymore. He kept trying to come back and ask to see him and apologize and I told him my son doesn't want to. His foster family decided to have him removed from the home and he also had legal stuff going on so he gave me a letter to give him apologizing. Meanwhile my son was asking about him and if he came and I said no. So my son thought he abandoned him to die and then never bothered to check up.

I thought what I was doing was for the best. They didn't see each other again because he got sent to a some type of boys home hours away. My son ended up growing into a pretty bitter person with a short temper. I'm not sure if it's all the physical trauma or J or both. Basically he grew to hate everyone because he resented J so much.

As I said I figured it was the right thing. But then my son came to talk to me. He has a prosthetic leg now. He ended up running into J and it's been 12 years. He works at the subway in our town and J tried to say hi and again... My son has a temper so he automatically blew up on him. Then he tried a second time and that's when my son found out the J did come see him. He asked me if I lied to him and all I could think was continue lying but my son saw through it and I said I thought I was doing the right thing. He lost his temper. Called me a "Lying fucking bitch." Said he will never talk to me again. I tried to tell him J almost KILLED him and he said it was worse thinking his best friend almost killed him and didn't care. I told him a real friend wouldn't have done something so wreck less and stupid but my son punched my front door and left. I've tried talking to him and he won't talk to me. All he did was reach out to apologize for punching my door because he's learning to deal with his anger in therapy and said he should have used aggression but I can still go fuck myself.

Idk why J couldn't just not talk to him. It's been 12 years theyr aren't 14 anymore. Idk why he decided to say something to him. In the end he DID almost kill my son in all that. What would him apologizing have even done. He permanently crippled him for life so even if I let him talk and apologize it would have some anything

Edit: First off, the passing down the name thing was something my husband cared about, not me. Second, I can't imagine many of you had to deal with your child in the hospital and having a leg amputated. This kid was ALWAYS doing really dumb things. I had a tough childhood. My dad was military and very hard on me but I never crippled my friends. i didn't see what good he would have brought talking to him

Edit: I want to add more context. He didn't just almost kill my son. He completely ruined his life. My son had dreams. He wanted to follow in my father's footsteps and join the military. For the longest time he had no idea what he would do with his life now. This wasn't a broken bone. This was him losing 80% of eye sight in one eye. This was burns that permanently altered him. This was losing a leg! He settled in being a paraprofessional and while he's fulfilled with that and loves the kids, he had to completely change his life plans. The military was important to him so he he was 6. This isn't just almost killing him. It was ruining the rest of his life.