How do i come to terms with things?

Question

Heart broken bc I met a wonderful guy but my BD wouldn't leave me alone. I told him I was seeing someone else but he kept coming over, kept texting, kept touching and trying to be with me when I told him no. 
This kept going for the 3 months I was with the new guy and he saw some of my BDs text and left. 
I kept my distance from him and now he's found someone else and they're. Decent. Wonderful woman. And he tries to rub in my face how she treats him like a king and makes himself a victim but when he was with me. 
He was rude, called me a whole, 15minutes away while I had to take care of his child single handedly( I got her walking talking potty trained ect) when he had an alcohol induced seizure I got him to an ambulance and saved his life wnd job. 
He moved on which I truly don't care about. I hate how he treated me. But I can't get over the fact I found someone good and he ruined that for me bc he couldnt handle me moving on and now he has someone and they're a genuinely good person... 
I feel upset that I was robbed of a good man while he still gets to have a good woman after treating me like shit, being a dead beat father, play the victim and keep forcing a relationship with me when I was with someone else. 
I'm very bitter @Momma of4: No i didnt allow it. I told him plainly. Plenty of times days weeks snd months. We share a child so i cant comoletely ignore him like i want. I said no multiple times. I didnt engage in texts unless it was about our child. So no i didnt send him any mixed signals at all. None. I had boundaries he just chose not to respect them. Do you feel my idiot BD was right then? I told him no on multiple occasions over the course of 3 months!! He still chose not to respect it. My daughter asks for him so i cant just not let her see him. Also i didnt contmiue a relationshipwith my bd. He would leave wall of texts w/o me responding. I didnt contniue nothing. Also momma of 4. I cant control what he does or says. Hes blocked on my phone we talk about our daughter through whats app ONLY. I never responded to his messages with kissy faces or anything letting him know i wanted him bc i didnt. I told him no plenty of times. He chose to over step my boundaries.@ momma of 4: my bf saw all the bullshit lovey dovey texts my BD made. He saw him talking about how he loves and missed me. It was a long wall of text of bs from him just wabout how he wants his family back ect. I didnt respond or say anything. He just didnt like him trying so hard. I only let him over to spend time with his daughter thats it. He has no place of his own and hes an alcohlix that has seizures so he cant see her unless im present. This is my first time coparening and its NOT easy. Im trying to be fair all while having boundaries.

Answer

I’m sorry but I have to agree. Unless he put a knife or a gun to you,
You have a choice. You could have called the cops when he showed up. Filed harassment charges. Met in public places like McDonald’s for drop offs. I have abused clients that do exchange at the police station. Women who live in protected locations by women’s space for abuse. The court contacts him. She has zero contact from restraining orders. Had other relatives or friends do drop offs. What you tolerate and allow becomes acceptable behavior. The minute he tried something you kick him out or call the cops. Block him on the phone and speak only about the child through the court. You file charges. And be proactive instead of allowing him to do things. You allowed him to sabotage your relationship rather than being proactive and doing things differently. You change the locks. Or security codes. So he can’t come in the house. If he breaks in you call the cops. You don’t allow him in the house. You stop allowing him to have power or control or manipulate you. You say no you can’t come in. You take control of your life. And you keep moving forward. You let go of what happened. You get therapy if you need it. Catholic charities, churches. Woman’s space or other woman’s community centers for free if you don’t have insurance or they don’t cover it. You allow it if you don’t do something about it. And that’s exactly why he does it. Because you allow him to.  You move on and find someone else. You let it go. There are other men. And stop allowing him to sabotage your happiness or future relationships and take control of your own life. You have got this. Start being a warrior and stop being a victim. You are a survivor. And a strong woman. Now take control of your life and tell him he can kiss your ass if he tries anything again. You co parent for the sake of the child and nothing else. If he can’t be amicable then you let the court and cops deal with him.

Answer

He didnt rob you of anything. You allowed your relationship with him to continue despite being in a committed relationship, regardless of how much he persisted. Thats cheating, youre responsible for fidelity to your partner regardless of someone else's advances. You couldve refused to see him and exchanged visitation in a public place only. You couldve told your partner the first time he made advances towards you vs continuing, keeping it a secret, and him finding out eventually. I think youre bitter because you feel like a victim eg telling yourself you were 'robbed'. Youll feel more empowered if you own up to your mistake in your own mind and heart, acknowledge that you did in fact have a choice in the matter, and will learn and grow from that mistake. Then yes you may feel regret (ownership), but not bitter (victim mentality) and youll move forward easier.

Answer

How come you havent called the cops when he shows up unannounced? Or talk to the courts about a tro?

Answer

Why didnt you call the cops when he kept coming over uninvited?

Answer

Why even bother to entertain him? Unless his messages have to do with your shared child, ignore them. If he keeps showing up unannounced, tell him you’ll be reporting him for harassment if he doesn’t stop.

How do i come to terms with things?

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