SAHM or career woman?

Question

So my boyfriend and I have been casually trying for a little under 2 years now (I have had 4 miscarriages and have PCOS) and after the last one we took a break for a few months to heal from our loss… we have started to talk about it again… it has always been my dream to be a stay at home mom (we have talked about that from the start) but in this economy I don’t think it is fair to ask that of my boyfriend because it puts all the financial stress on him.. he mentioned last night that he wants to try to do it the traditional way and i would absolutely love that and have full trust in my boyfriend but I still see the value in both of us working…
I am a line cook and I run my own housekeeping business (which I will obviously have to quit housekeeping if I get pregnant again because of the chemicals but that is where I make most of my money) and he is a welder.. he makes good money and would be able to support us but I really enjoy my jobs and the security of having my own money… but I also absolutely love being a home maker.. I have run the household since I was 15 when my mom died..(I dropped out of high school started working full time. My father completely dropped the ball so I took over because of my younger sister) i am in my element when I am cooking and cleaning and doing things to take care of the family and doing things to make the home calm and peaceful and getting everything ready for my boyfriend so he can focus on his work.. but as much as I love being a home maker and want to be a stay at home mom… I feel like his family will be kinda judgmental towards it because the women in his family are career women… I admire them for it but I don’t want them to think I am lazy if we end up deciding that I am staying home to raise children… i am also trying to figure out what i could do to work from home? 
Also he is very supportive of my jobs and doesn’t have a problem with me working after kids he just would prefer if I stayed home..
What are your thoughts and opinions? 
How do you navigate through this? What worked better for you?

Answer

I personally wouldnt become financially dependent on someone without legal marriage in place because you have zero legal/financial protection in case of a split. Ive been a SAHM and working mom, there are advantages and disadvantages to both. But I wouldnt have done it at all without marriage because Ive seen nightmare situations of unmarried women with kids getting themselves in unexpected crises, unless you have tremendous family support or a high amount of savings in your name only to help you transition. It can also be harder to find a job once you have an employment gap. These things seem cynical and not fun to consider, but it's a factor for me.

Answer

Maybe you could find work as a nanny and take your baby. There are lots of moms who would love to have someone care for their baby and home bc they are out of the house. You could make money doing that but still be with your baby.

Answer

Personally I would never be a SAHM without being married. Being married gives you protections that you wouldn't otherwise have. I also wouldn't be fully financially dependent without a joint account you have full access to. I'm a SAHM, I have my degree, and I'm very fulfilled being a SAHM. I was raised to be independent, a career woman, a "boss bitch" if you will. I had no desire for that. My husband's family is full of career women and I don't get judged. Instead they all admire me for my sacrifice to care for my children. They all talked about how hard maternity leave was and that they couldn't cut it and that's why they put their kids with babysitters and daycares.

Answer

Could you run like a baking business from home for example? Like that you can enjoy the best of both worlds.

Answer

In today’s economy don’t become a SAHM unless married and I seen married women even get burned by that but at least they got some more protection to help them

Answer

It’s what ever will work for your family unit, if you can afford the SAHM lifestyle go for it! Work out the finances of dropping to single income. And be realistic with the potential of unknown bills that may crop up, car trouble, new washing machine, house repairs etc. personally I went career route, I did my maternity leave and then went back to work, my son went to nursery. My sister on the other hand is a SAHM, and it works for her, she doesn’t want to go back to work until her youngest is in school. They budget really well, and can live off her hubbys income with 3 boys and a mortgage. And all our kids are thriving and happy. with the skills and business you have, if the SAHM life doesn’t work out or financially it gets tight I’m sure you can always get back on it on a part time basis so you still have that extra time with little one but have some money coming in. X

SAHM or career woman?

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