Is "My friends told me to" an excuse?

Question

Me and my kids dad are in a fight over punishing our 16 year old for pulling a very awful prank and his excuse is his friends told him to. He was at the mall and there were two boys sitting together. They had on rainbow stuff and my son's friend dated him to go ask them if they're gay and if they say yes to pretty much threaten to harm them. When they said yes he told them "What if I told you I don't like that and I'm gonna kill you." Or something stupid like that. My son said his friends asked him too and he's clearly not homophobic because he has friends who are bi and I said IDC. You don't do that. His doesn't think he needs to be punished and the problem is his friends. I agree his friends are terrible but he's responsible for his own actions. Imagine if someone is threatening to kill you and they're in a group of 5 other people. Threatening to harm someone isn't funny and threatening to harm them because they're gay is horrid. His dad just wants to let it go because it's his friends. I'm not saying we should ground him the whole summer but he needs some consequences

Answer

Make it where he can't be friends with these kids anymore. The first month of summer is no electronics and he helps with all of the chores around the house. After that he can have the electronics back but he still cant be friends with those kids. If he is, you take the electronics. Did you and his father talk with the parents of his friends so they are aware of what's going on?

Answer

This is ridiculous. Obviously he’s responsible for his own actions, his friend is not in a position to “tell” him to do anything. He made his own choice. He bullied, harassed, and threatened someone. He’s lucky he’s not in jail. If those kids were mine, I’d be pressing charges for a hate crime.

Answer

Um ....he did that himself. There's no excuse. And he's obviously homophobic if he even could bring himself to threaten to kill a stranger for being gay. If you don't straighten this out your kids going to end up in jail or getting his ass beat when he messes with the wrong person.

Answer

His friends did not MAKE him do anything. They dared him to do it and he decided ON HIS OWN to do it and threaten this person's life. That person had no way of knowing if it was a joke or not. Threatening someone's life is NEVER a joke, especially someone that is part of a community where those threats are more often than not serious, and even more often than not the person saying it follows through on the threat. What your son did is HORRIBLE and he deserves any kind of punishment you deem appropriate. Your husband is, quite frankly, an idiot and the fact that he is willing to let your son slide just because it was his friends idea is a huge red flag to me.

Answer

He can’t blame other people for his own actions. He should’ve known that was wrong and told his friends no, instead of going along with it. He chose to participate, it was his choice and no one forced him. Actions have consequences and if he doesn’t get any he won’t learn.

Answer

Even if he stops seeing his friends.. the problem is ur son wants to be a pleaser.. fit in.. but actions have consequences.

Answer

“If your friends told you to jump off a cliff would you?” Is what pops into my mind. Your son could’ve gotten arrested for this & those people don’t deserve to be treated that way. He should be punished & not allowed to hang out with those friends anymore.

Answer

Absolutely not. I would not let this go whatsoever. He needs to take accountability for his actions. Nobody put a gun to his head and made him do that. And your husband is gross for not wanting to correct his behavior. ￼

Answer

Mayyyybe if he was 10 or 11, but at 16 he should know better. I would want to know why he didnt have it in him to refuse his friend. Maybe counseling.

Is "My friends told me to" an excuse?

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