How do you deal with racist family members?

Question

My black dad is very racist.  He'll comment on my social media pages very derogatory statements about white people all the time.  My husband is white and when I got engaged my father literally didn't congratulate me.  He was angry
I love my dad but he doesn't have a filter.  I've  had to unfriend him on Facebook because I get really tired of having to erase his racist comments off my pages.  
It's like he doesn't even think his statements are wrong.  It's really embarrassing that in 2024 my dad talks like this.  
How do you handle this?

Answer

Talk to him if he don’t change Disown him because when you have children he’s is going to more then likely call them names also and that’s not ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

Have you ever flat out said something to him about his comments and how it is affecting your relationship with him? You cant change him, but you can vocalize your feelings and wishes.

Answer

I would talk to him but if nothing changes I would be distancing myself from him. No reason to put up with that shit

Answer

I would cut them off. Period. How can you have a relationship with him when he hates your spouse because of his skin color? How poorly do you think he’ll treat your future children because they’ll be mixed?

Answer

My FIL is a closet racist. He told my husband and my sisters-in-law that while they could be friends with people of different races, they couldn't date or marry them. But, trying to be a dutiful DIL, I extended an olive branch twice about his grandchildren. I was polite and respectful. The first time he messaged back. After the second time (a few years after the first), he blocked me on Messenger. I didn't even blink, the trash took itself out 🤷🏾‍♀️ the way I figure it, if the man couldn't be happy about his grandchildren (even if he doesn't want to speak to his son), then we don't need that kind of negative energy around us or our family.

Answer

The way my parents were raised had a hand in their racism. I have to think about that. My mother said horrible stuff about black people on her death bed. She did not talk like this usually. We're white if you were wondering.  Sometimes its just there because they were conditioned to think that way. I had to relearn things because of my upbringing. I am not condoning racism on any group of people. I am just saying give him some grace. Some of it is because of thats what they were raised to believe.I couldn't date or be friends with anyone who wasn't white. I still had friends that were black. I got kicked out over it.

Answer

This is a very touchy subject. As someone stated their upbringing has a lot to do with the way they feel. I know it’s 2024 and it’s crazy to deal with this but the things our parents dealt with and seen their parents deal with are extremely different. You can’t tell someone how to feel. I would extend my dad some grace while reiterating that this is my husband and you will not disrespect him. Not on my fb or anywhere. As far as when you have children we know in the black community their really isn’t a such thing as mixed. Your considered black if you got some in you lol. He will accept your children and that’s what’ll likely bring him around. Stand your ground and good luck.

How do you deal with racist family members?

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