Am I the asshole!?

Question

So me and my fiance live in a farmhouse that was built in the 1800s, we have a small hobby farm, chickens and goats, it’s very small and boxy, each room has a door, I HATE IT, not to mention I’m pretty sure it’s riddled with mold, it hasn’t had any major updates ever, other than floors and painting, only one bathroom works and it has a stand up shower that’s only 3x4 feet, it has old stairs that I’ve fallen down before and broken my tail bone, it has no central cooling, which is a big deal seeing as how we live in Wisconsin with hot summers, it has a laundry list of issues. He bought the house 4 years ago before we were together for 120k, it’s now worth 350k, AND THIS MAN REFUSES TO MOVE, he says we can move in a few years but I know him and I truley don’t believe he has any intention of moving, it’s always some bs excuse, we have a 4 year old with a bedroom that’s unfinished and so she sleeps with us, and we have one on the way, I’m so over it! I’m becoming irate, we can afford to move. What can I do to make him see we can do better? To get him to want to move? Any advice would help at this point. If he doesn’t agree eventually then I’ll be moving myself because I can’t live in this house forever.

Answer

We live in an old crappy house that needs repairs and no central heat or air in Texas … we aren’t moving either but we will do renovations honestly if he’s not willing to discuss moving talk about renovations I hate this whole newer is better the grass is only greener where you water it so do the work or hire people to do the work and learn to love where you’re at 🤷‍♀️ I think too many people these days care about appearances and having the best but it’s ok to make something your own instead of buying new I would just see how he feels about Reno and if he’s against that too then tell him if he’s not willing to put up the money or the effort then the house needs to be sold so you have hospitable living conditions for the children…

Answer

You may not be able to afford to move. If that house has gone up that much so have all the others. Your husband may be right unless y’all have entered into a new income bracket since the purchase of the house. I would say get a mini split AC unit. And get to work on them repairs. Take out a HELOC for the funds if you can stomach the interest rate. Make the home where you are bc this economy is ass

Answer

I mean i wouldn’t want to sell my 120k house in this economy either. Can you guys hire a contractor? Or even set up goals like having daughters room done by this date, or we hire it out or get a preapproval? There’s also mold remediation, if there is actually mold.

Answer

You need to tell him that you’re moving with or without him. Clearly nothing is working with him so you need to start taking serious action.

Answer

Why not do the renovations?

Answer

Maybe compromise if he’s not willing to move take out a heloc and get the repairs done

Answer

Compromise and communication with stubborn husbands require loads of persistence as annoying as that is. Communication and compromise are so important! Don’t give up momma! Do what you need to be heard!

Answer

See if he’s willing to renovate?

Answer

My dad was super attached to our first house, men can be like that. Would he consider a major renovation instead?  You could consult a company to do it and take out a line of credit. The stuff youre describing is doable eg opening up main rooms, finishing the kids' room, fixing the bathroom, updating the kitchen, even the a/c you could do European/Asian style individual room units (we moved overseas from the US and they work well) it would probably cost less than buying, would up the value of the house if you later sell, and you could keep your animals.

Answer

I would tell him either to start fixing it up or you are moving out.

Am I the asshole!?

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