Would you be able to look at your boyfriend the same way?

Question

My boys and I are both 35. Last night we were drinking and he decided he wanted to try molly. He's seen me and my friends do molly so he wanted to try. I let him try it. J didn't do any because I figured I should be sober in case he has a bad trip. He was already drunk and now he was high and he seemed to be experiencing it ok. Then he just said "Want to know about the time I ran into a murderer?" I was caught off guard but said sure. He used to live not too far from a prison years ago. He grew up in an area with a lot of gang activity which I knew that. What he told me was when he was 17 2 guys tried to mug him and he ran away because he didn't want to give up his.... $20... I guess your life is worth $20.... Anyway they chased him through the woods and they caught up with him and pulled a knife on him. He tried to get away by spitting in the guys face but the other grabbed him and started beating on him. Then he told me he thought he was gonna be raped because they started pulling his pants down and saying they would fuck him. Then some man came out of nowhere and grabbed the guy off if him and slammed his head into a tree and started fighting with the other guy and beat his face in. Then looked at my boyfriend and walked away. My boyfriend said he was in a prison jumpsuit and he was just in so much shock. But he ran away and ran home. Then tells me a couple days later he sees on the news that he escaped from prison and he was in prison for armed robbery and killing the person he robbed.....
I just stared at my boyfriend because I didn't know if he was being serious or trying to fuck with me. He said he never told anyone about him because he felt like he owed him. Today he didn't mention last night. Idk if he remembers but he's acting like everything is normal. Idk if it was the molly but if what he told me is true, would you be able to look at your boyfriend the same way if he was fine with letting a murderer be free in this world? Idk the whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way. It comes off as because this horrible person did something to benefit me I think they should be free regardless of what happened to his victims. I'm honestly hoping this was just the molly but if it wasn't how would you feel?

Answer

I think I would be able to get past this simply because of his age, and the fact that he was a victim too. In his mind, which was not functioning at full capacity due to his age and his trauma, turning that person in would've been the wrong thing to do because he saved him from becoming victimized worse than he already was. I think, even as an adult, I would have difficulty with this. Of course, I would know that I have to do the right thing, but it sure would be a conflict in my own mind. A 17-year-old has no idea what to do with that. The executive functioning isn't there yet. I don't think it's right for you to hold this against him when he was being very vulnerable with you in that moment. Don't give the man Molly and let him be vulnerable and open up to you and then hold it against him when he does. ￼

Answer

girl stop he was a kid..

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He was a minor. His brain wasn’t fully developed. He’s 35 and that was so long ago. Why are you upset about it? It didn’t include you and he was a kid. Get over it.

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You think you'd be some savior at 17 after being attacked and almost losing your life like that ? Don't be so high and mighty , you have no idea how you'd react at that age. Imagine how terrifying and traumatic that was for him.

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He was 17 about to get raped and possibly murdered himself. You can’t blame a kid for not knowing what the fuck is the “right” thing to do in that situation. Dudes brain wasn’t even developed fully yet.

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Wait ooo I dont understand what did you expect a 17 year old to do in the woods for that matter if anything that guy is his savior. Obviously your man can't do anything about it. Its not in anyway his fault plus he opened up to you forget he was high he trusts u won't judge not like there is anything to judge. Forget about it and be happy he didnt die or else you won't have met him. Things happen for a reason you know

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There's no reason to look at him differently. Be happy he's ok and not traumatized for life by SA.

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He was a scared 17 year old who was attacked and threatened with rape, escaped murderer or not, that guy saved his life. He was probably hella in shock at the time and now he's had years to process what all had actually happened. Like. Traumatic AF. Would I judge him for being a scared 17 yr old who just experienced massive trauma and was in shock? Absolutely not.

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He was 17, probably traumatised and by the time he knew what the deal was the guy would’ve been long gone anyway. There really isn’t anything he could’ve done unless he’d told them straight away, but the whole thing was probably a little surreal and the guy possibly did save his life, that’s not a straight forward situation. He can’t do anything about it now, you can’t judge him for a choice he made when he was a kid in a situation no kid should have to be in.

Answer

Your bf was 17 at the time, I’m sure he was in shock over what just happened. He’s now 35, what exactly is it you want him to be doing?

Would you be able to look at your boyfriend the same way?

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