Long Post: Is My BF Wasting My Time?

Hi, My bf and I have been together for 2 years, and living together for 8 months. I’m 27 and he is 30. He is my first long term bf, and when we are together I really feel like I’m with MY person and I’m happy.

He is a medical resident and I work in property management, but have been job searching for a new job since February 2024. No, I’m not currently working as I got laid off.

However, we do still split home expenses and I cook, clean, do errands, and take care of him emotionally, mentally, physically etc. while he works very long hours.

I’m happy to contribute as I can, as he doesn’t make a ton of money yet as a resident and we live in a expensive city, but I told him recently that we are going to have to rethink my financial contribution as finding a solid job has been hard on this market. He told me that he could pay all the bills by himself for a little while but not for too long. He reminded me he spends a lot of money on me on recreational activities and trips which I am aware of and appreciate.

Here is my dilmma….here is the kicker….i caught him having an affair with someone at his job in February 2024. I saw all the texts between them and he was telling her he loved her and she was important to him. I was devastated and in shock for a while.

Ofc when I found out I almost ended this relationship but he begged me to stay and told me it was a huge mistake and it would never happen again. Which it hasn’t…,as far as I know. I really was still in love with him so i gave him ONE more chance. But now I need to know he is serious for the long haul if I’m gonna continue to be here and be his partner.

Now, fast forward to today. We are in year 3 of residency and we are 2 years away from having to move out of state together for his medical fellowship. Last week, I brought up engagement and how I won’t move with him after residency, across the country to help him achieve his career goals if there is no ring on my finger. This DOES NOT mean I want to be married now, but I at least need to see an engagement as a sign of good faith/commitment. So I asked him if he could see himself ready to propose in 1-2 years as we are already 2 years in and especially since our relationship was tested this year.

He initially responded by telling me he can’t guarantee he’ll be ready for engagement in 2/3 years. This really upset me and has me considering moving on and focusing on me even thought I don’t want to. I further probed why he can’t guarantee and he said because “anything can happen” then the next day he said “I need to spend more time with his parents”. He’s the only child and his only real family is his parents. The live across the country from us, and it’s not easy to get over there. I met them once and they loved me and are already asking for grandkids. I think I text his mom more than he does. So….it seems to me they already approve of me but I can also understand him wanting me to see them more. But this marriage is about us not parents….

It’s not that I don’t want to see his parents more, I am just trying to decide if he is giving me bogus excuses to prolong our relationship so I can support him thru his residency and then I’ll end up with no ring 💍??? I don’t want to leave him 😞 but I don’t wanna waste my life either on false promises. He is now saying the probability of me getting what I want is much higher than not…..idk what to think about that statement lol.

Please help me figure this out 🙏🏽