I miss my friend but I don’t know

[LONG BUT PLZ HELP IM TORN]So this isn’t about a man this is about a childhood friend. So me and her had been friends for a long time.We have know. Each other for about 14 years total, known for about 18 years. We are now 26. We were very close, hung out everyday all day. When she got a bf when we were in high school all she wanted to do was be with him. I was jealous, I wanted to cut her off from there because everything was about him and we barely hung out one day a week. I got tired of trying to hang out after a few months and we stopped being friends. There was no hatred. I never really looked for a friend after that we were each others best friend I didn’t want another one. So later they got married and she got pregnant. She reached out and asked for me to come to the baby shower after not talking for about 2 years. I went, it was weird but I missed her. I didn’t know if it would ever feel natural to be her friend again but it came easy. Went to hanging out with her, her husband, my cousin and me a couple days a week with the baby. So they get divorced, she did spiral but as a friend I was just there. Coming whenever she need someone, hanging out w her, rushing to her when she was in a bad accident. I was there before the police. She was def like a blood sister. So Covid hit, I had a bf but we stayed friends. She then gets a new bf and we stop hanging so much, but it was understandable. She got a new friend group who was nothing but drama and she then kind of dropped me again. Always hanging with them. We were about 22 at the time. I got tired of trying to hold on, hang out, I felt like I was just losing. I knew the day I would never see her again after hanging out. I cried. I may have blocked her after that. The vibe was so off like I felt she didn’t want to be there. If I tried to explain it felt like I was in a relationship and just holding on to them knowing it was no point. Anywho she’s being on my mind heavy, in my dreams, in my Snapchat memories I get daily reminders of. And I miss her, I don’t want to go through it again because it seems like a cycle and it just always feel like a heart break. I really loved her more than anybody when I think back. I’ve been tugging back and forth contemplating if I should just reach out to her. She message me in 2022, it took me almost. A year to answer. Knowing her I know it took her a while to even reach out. After that she told me happy birthday. That was it.