My sister “Jill” started dating one of her coworkers “Tim” about a year ago. She tried to keep Tim’s last name quiet and I have not met him up to this point. They are both in their early 30s.

My mom found out Tim’s last name and the two of us did some digging. In 2012 Tim was charged with felonious sexual assault of a minor. At the time he was 19 and the girl was 14. They started talking online and then met up in person. He pled guilty to a misdemeanor of inappropriate sexual contact with a minor and the felony was dropped. This is all public record. According to my nephew’s father (a compulsive liar so I’m unsure if this part is true) Tim spent a year in jail, 3 years on probation, and 10 years on the sex offender registry. I can’t verify that but it’s plausible in the state Tim lives in. The icing on the cake is that Tim has also had his license suspended for 10 years due to multiple DUIs (also public record and something my sister has confirmed.)

Jill has recently moved herself and my nephew (6 y/o) in with Tim and I’m worried about how far their relationship is going to go. She tried to bring Tim to my house to meet my family without disclosing his past (she didn’t know I already knew) and I told her that I didn’t want him around my family. I have two young kids (8y/o boy and 6y/o girl) and my husband is a middle school teacher. She says that what Tim did was a “youthful mistake”, “he’s not the same person”, and that “it’s all been cleared up.”

Neither my husband nor I want anything to do with Tim based on his criminal record. My sister thinks I’m being judgmental and not giving him a chance. Am I the asshole?