Finally getting help after 14 years of untreated bipolar/depression

I'm 30. I only been on 1 antidepressants and it was for my anxiety when I was in 6th grade-8th grade. Then I stopped. Since high school I had depression due to losing friends getting bullied being mistreated... should have gotten pills and help but didn't and was shy too :/ just hating life ... now I'm 30 with 2 kids and a husband but I still feel the same way as I did in high school and even worse cuz of my babies they did damage to my body and made me insecure and etc. I just am totally different than others I have mood swings I have diffferent personalities every day.:. Something is wrong with me and I need help asap... I'm still depresssed feel like leaving the earth but I don't want too. I am finally getting help and going to see the doctor for whatever I'm feeling .. I need some type of pills, some therapy etc..!