My partner has a tendency of saying things he doesn’t mean when he’s angry, sometimes he’ll say things demeaning like I don’t have any common sense and I have no respect for myself. I opened up to him about a drunken mistake I made before we got together and while talking to him through his endless questions I realized there was a fine line between whether or not I consented to what happened. He’s furious, angry that I haven’t retaliated, angry that I lied about the truth (because I was confused) and angry at my friends that were there the night it happened. He says he wants nothing to do with them. He wants justice, and says no one is looking out for me the way he is, not even me, because I am not seeking justice the way he is. It’s gotten to the point where he’s constantly reminded of that event and will say things to me and excuse his behavior when I point out how hurtful it is and say things like it’s easy for me to stand up to him but the guy who took advantage of me when I was drunk gets a free pass. He realizes after the arguments that what he says is hurtful and that I don’t deserve it but he still continues to belittle me when he’s angry. After some time I realized he’s still hurt by his ex who cheated on him so sometimes he’ll make assumptions about my intentions with other men and when I deny them he’ll say I’m hiding something from him. Sometimes he’ll bring her into the conversation too, and then apologize for it. I brought up the possibilities of therapy but he says he doesn’t need it because he feels better after talking it out with me. But there’s only so much emotional burden I can take.

He wants to confront the person but I feel like he didn’t see the situation the same way I did and it’ll only make my partner angrier and it won’t stop there. I don’t know what to do.