I’m losing my mind

This is more of a brain dump because I don’t feel like I’m living in reality right now, I don’t know what to think or believe.

My husband and I are in the beginning stages of divorce, we agreed that I would stay in the shared home until the school year ends after which he will keep the home. I know this doesn’t sound smart but I am so drained, I only want my clothes and sentimental items; I am happy to start all over.

Now to him:

1. I asked him to have his mother take over my part of the mortgage as she mentioned wanting to move in. He told me no, to which I asked if he could refinance without me on the loan or buy me out. To which he responded “let’s just handle it in court, I don’t care what happens with this house”. He’s making a fight where I don’t desire one I just want my name removed from the mortgage.

2. Instead of apologizing when he disrespects me he would rather go get a hair cut and dress up because he thinks it’ll make him irresistible and I’ll just give in to him.

3. It feels like he’s intentionally doing things to make life more difficult for me.

4. We’re in this situation because he told me he’d “beat my ass” and I decided that was a dealbreaker for me. I was upset but somehow I have become the bad guy (like always) and he’s ignoring me and stonewalling me as if I did something to him.

5. I asked him a simple question, instead of giving me an answer, he asks me a series of questions which I’m afraid to answer because if I say the wrong thing he’ll lash out.

6. Instead of actually changing he’d rather pretend he’s changed or say what he thinks I want to hear and if he doesn’t get the response he’s looking for then he’ll revert back to the negative behavior.

7. He literally went into my phone, added the songs that’s on my Apple Music to his phone and then pretended like it’s music that he just so happens to like. The only reason I found out is because the playlist he created from my phone is exactly the same on his. When I asked him about it he just laughed but it feels like he’s manufacturing things for us to have in common.

8. This morning he said “we can enjoy conversation before I go back to dismissing you” when I brought that to his attention he told me that I was getting hung ip on words and I’m not a woman because I don’t understand the intentions behind him saying he’s going to dismiss me.

There is so much more but it’s draining me at this point and I do care for him as a person so I do try to communicate with him and be kind but he’s making it extremely difficult to do.