Partner cheated

Does it get easier as more time goes by?

I found out in May, but I didn’t get, what I believe to be, the full truth until August. We’re trying to work through it. Some days I do just fine, then others it’s all that consumes my mind. I can be triggered just by someone who looks similar, a food place (he brought her food from my favorite cafe), or something he does or says. Overtime, will the thoughts go away or will it always be in the back of my mind?

For some reason, I want to know every single detail no matter how much it’ll hurt knowing . I know the details don’t change what happened, but I just want to understand how someone who was supposed to love me do the same things for someone else that he did for me that once made me feel special. I no longer feel special and I constantly compare myself wondering what it was about them. I find myself wishing I looked like them and trying to be more like them thinking maybe then I’d be enough.

I know if I forgive him, then I need to be able to let it go. Sometimes I just wonder how that’s even possible. I have been with this man since I was 17, my first everything as well. We have a child together. I don’t know how to let go of him even if I tried to, but a part of me feels like things will never be the same between us again and I don’t know how I could stay with someone who has hurt me in one of the worst ways possible… but I don’t know how to let go of him either… will it ever get easier? Did it get easier after forgiving him or was letting go the best choice for you?