Blended family

My partner has 4 kids to previous relationships before me. I knew this when I met him but the more serious we get and the more I love him the harder it becomes for some reason. He has very little custody with them atm so can only see the two older ones during the week after school for a few hours whenever he can make it to their sport trainings. This means I don’t even know what our relationship will actually look like when they start to stay with us on weekends and it is worrying me but I may be over thinking it.

Mourning the thought of the family I always wanted is so hard as well. Knowing I could only have 2 kids of my own max bc he already has so many and that most of our money will be going towards child support and things is a hard pill to swallow. Only because I never imagined this scenario as my future. I know that this is a normal part of life but the feelings are still there and I don’t have anyone to talk to that could understand and my partner will freak if I brought this up as he is an anxious attachment.

I’m only 22 so becoming a step mum before becoming a mother is daunting. I’ve always wanted kids but only in my 30s after I’ve lived but now seeing him raise kids with other women it’s making me want it sooner and also due to the 10+ age gap which scares me even more that my goals and aspirations are now changing because of this relationship.

Every aspect of the relationship is perfect we are almost made for each other this is the only thing leaving me with doubts.

Has anyone else felt this way before I’m just needing another woman to talk to that can understand me.