Is My Husband's Behavior Due to ADHD or Depression? Need Advice

Question

Hi everyone, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and could really use some advice. I recently found my husband's journal, and it's left me feeling concerned. He has ADHD and has been struggling without his medication for a while, which I know is a huge challenge. His thoughts seem to race constantly, and I know it's been hard for him to cope.
I found his journal one day and ended up reading through some pages. I know I shouldn't have, but what I read was really heartbreaking. There were long, messy sentences where he was beating himself up, calling himself "a fucking idiot," and questioning everything he did. For example, there was a part where he wrote about feeling like his speech was "so stupid," wondering why his mind couldn’t stop racing, and asking why his mom "can't stop going." There was also a lot of worry about things he hadn’t done, like Christmas shopping, and how he thought I might leave him because of how he was feeling. An example of something he said in his journal: Why can't my mind stop going why was my speech so fucking stupid I'm an idiot I went on too long have I even called to check on my dad what is wrong with me oh fuck I haven't finished Christmas shopping why didn't I do what Megan(me) told me to do why am I so useless she's going to leave me why can't you do anything right why can't your fucking brain stop!"
I’m wondering if this is just ADHD in action, or if there's something more going on—maybe depression? I know ADHD causes racing thoughts, but the intensity and self-criticism in his journal really worries me. His medication situation has been difficult, and I’m not sure if I should be worried about his mental health beyond the ADHD.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? I feel so helpless, and I just want to understand what’s happening so I can help him. Any advice would mean a lot.
Edit: It was not our decision to stop his Adderall. It has been on back order.

Answer

I don’t think you should be sharing his private diary with a bunch of strangers online who know zero about his situation and absolutely cannot diagnose anything for you. I also know that journaling is a healthy way to get those negative thoughts and emotions out of your head and process them, so I’m not sure why you would be using his healthy coping mechanism as a weapon against him. If you’re looking for ways to support, maybe encourage doctors appointments and attend them so you can understand his diagnosis and treatment plan. And stop invading his privacy.

Answer

That sound like depression and anxiety. But im not a therapist and i dont know him. I wouldn't tell him that you read his private thoughts. I would just say you know something is wrong and while you dont know what, you want him to be okay. Remind him how much you love him. Tell him if hes doing good.

Answer

As an ADHDer, this is absolutely how my thoughts sound when I’m not taking my meds. I know you’re concerned about your husband, but snooping through his journal was an awful decision. My husband is my support person. If I felt I couldn’t trust him, there would be huge issues. You need to tell the truth and tell him you snooped. He’ll be mad, and rightfully so.

Answer

This is such a disrespectful invasion of privacy & betrayal of trust. You not only read his journal, but you’re broadcasting what you read. Just say you noticed it seems like he’s been struggling & urge him to get therapy & on meds.

Answer

My son has fone through something similar. He never kept/keeps a journal, so I havent gotten that much detail. But I had one of his teachers stop me at the school (I work there) and tell me he made a comment about wanting to hurt himself (in the worst way, I just cant bring myself to type it out). I also had a parent of one of his friends let me know he was "joking" about it in a group chat. I got him to speak to a therapist. We also tested him for anxiety disorders. Which we found he has. He kind of fought talking to the therapist at first. He thought it would be awkward and wouldnt help. He was wrong. It only took one session for him to be ok with it. We also stopped the ADHD meds (werent really working anymore anyway), and started him on an anti anxiety med. Ill get the name for you. Its one that i believe is used for high blood pressure. Ill have to look again. He took that for a while. He's off all meds now and doesnt see the therapist anymore. He's doing great.      Adhd is crazy. Your mind never stops. It can cause lack of sleep too, which can also mess with your mind. Once everything stacks up, it can be hard to get back under control.     Maybe sit down with him and tell him youve noticed hes been stressed. Tell him you want to help him.  Dont tell him you read his journal. That is a serious breach of his privacy. Im not judging, its good it showed you what hes feeling so you can help him. If you tell him right now though, it could add to his stress. Maybe later you can let him know. I'll go find that med for you. Maybe he could suggest it to his dr, whom he should also to about this. Its important to share these things with his dr while trying meds out. Im sorry hes going through this. I know how crazy it all can seem in the moment. It can/does get better.

Answer

Omg you’re basically describing me and my journal entries like 10 years ago. I was diagnosed with clinical depression first and ADHD later on. I have also had the same issues with getting Adderall and it’s a problem, but not as much of a problem as not having my antidepressant medication! I’ve been in treatment since a suicide attempt about 15 years ago. I tried several antidepressants before I found the one I take now (it’s called Viibryd) in addition to weekly therapy sessions. Both were absolutely essential to my survival and well-being journey. Taking the medication stopped the suicidal ideation, which then freed me to work with my therapists on building my self confidence and self compassion. Yes, reading his journal was an invasion of privacy. And also your concerns are valid. A way to help him might be sitting down with him and asking him questions about how not having his medication is effecting him. Help him verbalize what’s going on inside and practice active listening, then help soothe his anxiety by telling him things that are true like, “I care about you,” “I’m not mad about that,” “I want to help you,” etc. Finally, help him decide on any actions to take like seeing if he can get a different prescription, finding additional support like a therapist or counselor, or taking mental health evaluations to help him visualize what’s going on inside.

Answer

Let’s hope he never finds out you invaded his private journals, let alone posted them on a wide open public forum. 🤦🏻‍♂️ I understand your concern, but you need to be talking to him and a mental health professional; not a bunch of women who really have no clinical advice to add. I almost feel like you are the one needing attention, not him. I know I’m being pretty brash, and some will think me heartless, but I’m calling the play like I see it. I think you both need to see the doctor and if his adderall is that important, talk about a substitute. In the meantime, inspiring his confidence and telling him how proud you are of him might be a good start…not sharing his weaknesses and vulnerabilities with all of us, or worse, people he knows. This isn’t something to talk to your girlfriends about either. Your man needs to know his struggles stay between the two of you, and proper professionals who can help him.

Answer

Wow. Don’t ever read his private thoughts again.

Answer

Was he feeling better on the meds? If not, it could be a misdiagnosis (bipolar disorder or severe anxiety can look like this) or he could have  comorbid conditions (eg ADHD and depression)

Is My Husband's Behavior Due to ADHD or Depression? Need Advice

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