How long should I wait for him to be ready?
I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (34M) for 2.5 years. We were close friends for about 10 years before that, so we saw each other go through chaotic previous relationships - he was engaged to someone who turned out to be a domestic abuser and a cheat (among other things). Around the same time I was in a long relationship with a guy who kept putting off commitments like getting engaged (this point is very relevent to my upcoming dilemma) and after 9 years left me for someone else, telling me he was never even interested in marriage/engagements in the first place. Now though, my bf and I do talk about everything and he knows how much commitment and marriage mean to me in a relationship. He has always said he wants to take things slow, and I shared that viewpoint at the beginning of the relationship. Over the 2.5years we have agreed that we want the same things/goals in life, and not long ago started looking into holidays abroad, talked seriously about moving in/getting a mortgage, he even mentioned a ring. But then over the span of a couple of months he began not talking about the future much at all, refused to book a holiday, just wasn't interested in looking for houses. I kept questioning him on it and he told me his mental health had taken a dive and it wasn't that he didn't want a future with me, he just didn't really see a future at all. He has struggled with depression for a long time (and so have I) so it wasn't a massive shock to me. I have been as supportive as possible, trying to link him up with a counsellor/therapist and encouraging him to work on his self-worth & self-esteem. My dilemma is that I have an impatience to get on with life. My mum died about a year ago and I'm exactly half the age she was when she died so I have this sudden motivation to get on with things I want to do. I just got a new job which will set me up better for a mortgage, and I've been having regular therapy to work on myself. I am ready to take that holiday abroad, to look at houses, to get engaged and married, maybe in a few years start a family. But it feels like my bf is at a very different stage in life and needs to figure some stuff out before moving forward in our relationship. How long do I wait for him to be ready? I am trying to be as patient and understanding as possible, but where he won't give me a timeline or any indication at all of the 'when', its so open-ended and making me worry about not only my happiness and fulfilment but the biological clock that's ticking (I'm nearly 32). Advice much appreciated, thanks in advance.
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.