Should I let my MIL tell everyone?

Question

A little back story. We lost a baby a year ago at 20 weeks, and it was very traumatic and I feel like we both still hold a lot of trauma even now. I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant again and we have decided this time that we don’t want to tell anyone except immediate family and very close friends (and obviously my work since I’m clearly pregnant at this point)
We have expressed this to our families as I have no intention of posting anything publicly on social media, possibly not until our baby girl is born safe. 
My MIL has now messaged me 3 times and asked me in person twice if she can tell everyone in her family. We’ve already said no, and that if we feel comfortable at some point we’ll let her know. She messaged me again today asking, I haven’t responded because I don’t know how to say no for the 6th time without sounding rude that we don’t want that. I can tell she’s getting frustrated with me, and I’m starting to feel defeated like maybe I’m being silly not letting her share the news. 
Should I let her tell everyone? Am I being ridiculous wanting to keep our bubble small this time? AITA?

Answer

Absolutely not. The fact she’s so insistent on wanting to announce for you is just fucking weird. Especially with your trauma. Plus it’ll teach her that she doesn’t have to respect you and that if she pushes hard enough you’ll give her her way. Instead, you should be blunt and say “I’ve told you no numerous times now and I don’t appreciate that you can’t respect that. Stop”

Answer

It’s your pregnancy, you get to tell or not tell who you want. You’re not wrong. 
That being said, since you’re asking for opinions, I personally don’t mind people knowing early. Previous loss isn’t going to change the joy and excitement I have for my current baby. I’m not going to carry that sadness into my next pregnancy. I want my friends and family to share in my happiness, and ultimately support me if something were to happen again. 
But again, before the downvotes pour in, that’s my opinion for myself, you can do whatever you feel good about, even if it’s not aligned with my perspective.

Answer

Hold your boundaries. Tell her you will let her know when you plan to announce and you appreciate her not asking you again

Answer

No. Its not her news to share. It is disrespectful to keep asking

Answer

If you cave and let her announce at this point, she is forever going to have zero boundaries with you. Do not let her do it, it will be the beginning of a never-ending fight. Whenever she texts you to ask if she can announce, just copy and paste the same exact response every single time.

Answer

Your not being ridiculous, I'm 24 weeks and I haven't even told my parents. For the same reason, loss is hard and can be overwhelming. Everything that feels off or wrong is scary and stressful with a new pregnancy. I don't want people texting me, asking a million questions, and stressing me out. So I get it, You shouldn't have to deal with his mother. He should tell her to contact him from now on because she's stressing you out and that's not good for the baby. Then block her from your phone for your sanity. She needs to respect the boundaries you both set. I understand she's excited but she needs to take your feelings into consideration before hers.

Answer

No, you’re not being ridiculous, and if you do not want her to tell anyone, that is perfectly okay.
I know you wrote that you told her that if you become comfortable at some point, you’ll let her know. But have you explicitly told her that you’d like her to stop asking? Those two things aren’t fully synonymous and she may think it’s okay to keep asking.
Also, have you thought about when you may feel comfortable? Is there any way to give her an idea of when you may be comfortable (or at least that you’ll definitely not be comfortable for the next “8 weeks” and not to ask during that time) or something? These types of relationships are hard, so just trying to think of ideas.

Answer

You have a right to do your own announcement when you are ready. I had multiple losses high risk and health issues and I struggled with telling others. When my first son was born my mil told me she would let family know he arrived. I stopped her and told her it wasn't her job and we didn't ask her to. By handling it in a way that took her control away it upset her what it did though was let her know that it wasn''t her place to share our news.
I'm praying you have a healthy pregnancy and birth and when you are ready to share you do even if it is with just a couple close friends. Best wishes.

Answer

Personally, I let my mom tell people she wanted to with the understanding that she would be the one to tell them if things went wrong.

Should I let my MIL tell everyone?

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