I think what’s holding me back from saying I want a divorce is the 50/50 custody coparenting . I am struggling with the thought of not beig wth my babies all the time. Florida is 50/50

The thought of not having my babies (1.5 & 2.5 yr olds) everyday absolutely destroys me. Anyone have this experience with positive feedback? And I guess the negatives of it. Coparenting…. We have been technically just coparenting anyway but married living under same roof. This isn’t a marriage and hasn’t been . Haven’t even kissed him in 3 months after found out he continued to search my sibling, started drinking when on business trips and got black out drunk at a strip club when on business. Boundaries have been crossed over and over. Verbal and emotional abuse…. I’ve tried three years to make this work with no change on his end .