Why does it hurt so much

I finally left, I’ve made posts about my husband and his abusive ways. My family came and helped me get out after 6 months of what felt like hell. He was fine up until I was walking out of the door and then he had a break down. He was crying and begging me to stay, I started to have anxiety and instead of taking my time and making sure I was getting everything I just threw everything into the car and we left. The problem is I feel bad for him, I know he’s hurt me without remorse until I actually left but I still feel bad for him and I hate myself for that. He called me early this morning and said he was coming to get me and that I made the wrong decision and it made me feel horrible and guilty for leaving. I feel like I’m never going to be okay and the pain is so bad I can barely eat. I have children and pets that need me to be okay and I feel like I’m failing them on every level.