WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

Question

Long story made short: 
My husband is an alcoholic. He is verbally abusive, manipulative, and controlling. (Like won’t let me use our health insurance and won’t let me spend money type of controlling) 
I have made the decision to leave him. My family is onboard, supportive, and they refuse to ever let me go back to him. 
So why TF do I feel bad for him when I noticed his face was red and swollen from crying? 
This MF just called me a “mammoth” yesterday and told me how disgusting I am… yet I feel bad for him?!  
Why does my brain work like this??  
I am crying over the fact that he is sad 😔

Answer

Because you have a heart. You can feel bad for him. But keep going forward. You staying with him would not be best for him. Leaving gives him a chance to self reflect. He has to heal with his own will. He needs rehab and therapy, not a relationship.

Answer

Because the alcoholic disease is a demon. The only one who can change is himself

Answer

Sending strength your way 🙏🏻

Answer

Im a former DV counselor and this is super common of women in abusive relationships. It's part of being codependent, and also subconsciously a lot of victims of abuse on some level assume responsibility for the abuse as a way of feeling in control of the situation as a defense/protective mechanism. So she will say things to herself like 'even though it's not ok that he screamed at me, I did say something that upset him, so next time I will just try to not trigger him so he wont get angry and therefore I can stay in this marriage and not have to divorce', in other words she tells herself she can do something to improve the situation and therefore feel ok with staying, and abusers often play into this and twist things around so their behavior is your fault. That may be why you feel guilty for leaving like youre 'doing this to him' because hes conditioned you to feel guilty and youve on some level accepted it as a coping mechanism. Also, your first choice isnt to leave him, it would be for him to stop abusing you and have a happy marriage. So it makes sense that on some level you still care for him and therefore feel bad about it even though you know it's absolutely necessary at this point. This is a common and normal part of the process. Once you heal a bit and break this cycle, youll see things differently.

Answer

You feel bad because you have empathy, something he clearly lacks.  Don’t let it affect you getting out of the situation though. My ex used to cry like a baby when he thought i was leaving but if I didn’t back down and feel bad for him he went right back to anger

Answer

It because you cared for him. Keeping moving forward and dont look back. Hopefullly hell get the proper help to fix his toxicity. If he does, never come back. Plus, it can also a manipulation tactic. That being said, i once had a boyfriend who cheated on me. Boy did i cry when i kicked his ass out of my home. I refused to be treated that way. You deserve the world lady so keep one foot in front of the other!

Answer

You’re a good person capable of empathy, and this trait is very common with dv victims. It makes us more prone to it and it makes it harder to leave. Hugs 🤗 you’ve got this

Answer

Do you know the him outside of being an alcoholic?

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

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