Lying child, please help.

Hi guys, I need some serious advice. Before anyone comments and suggests a professional, it’s not an option. I do not have a working vehicle at the moment and our insurance doesn’t cover that. We make too much for any assistance and cannot afford any help especially with the current prices of things. When we can, we absolutely will take that route. For now though, we need other options.

I have a 6, almost 7 year old son. He’s one of 4 kids.

He has had a lying issue for about 2 years now. But when it first started, he was so young that we thought it was a phase or normal. At first we ignored the lies and would always reiterate the fact that we need to be honest.

After it became apparent that talking and ignoring it wouldn’t work, we began consequences. For example, you lie about peeing the bed, you have to help clean it up and wear a pull-up that night. If you lie about making a mess, you have to clean extra. You lie about getting into snacks, no extra snacks, etc.

The main lying thing he has is with peeing the bed so that’s the main thing I’m going to talk about. But the lying is about EVERYTHING. At first, he’d pee the bed and wouldn’t necessarily lie but also wouldn’t tell anyone. He’d sit and soak in it until everyone woke up. So we started having talks about how that wasn’t okay and he needed to tell us immediately.

Then it began getting worse and he’d lie even when he was soaking wet. Even if it was clear as day, he’d lie about it. Thats when we started doing timeout. Then after he was clam, we’d talk about. Every. Single. Day. It didn’t work. He’d still lie.

Then it would turn into him hiding his wet pull-up, and puttting a dry one on. When we cut off drinks at night, he’d sneak in the bathroom (still does) to drink out of the faucet. Even when he was drinking all day. It’s because he gets mad that my older child doesn’t have restricted drink times and he thinks it’s unfair even when we talk about it.

Then he’d start taking his blankets to the laundry and making his bed again with new blankets that we have out for the kids to make forts. With 4 kids and whatnot, no I didn’t notice. He’d also sneak baby wipes to clean himself up so he didn’t smell.

That’s when it kinda turned into a really big deal because he NEVER gets in trouble for being honest about wetting himself. The times he is honest, we applaud him for being honest and we reward it. However, 99% of the time, he chooses to lie.

With a new baby in the house, and him not being sanitary, we really cracked down and began time out every single time he lied about it. Then it turned into him taking his wet underwear or pull-up, and hiding them under the bathroom sink, then his dresser, then under the bed. No matter what the consequence was. Then he’d say “well I thought it was just going to get in a little trouble”

So the consequences got harder. Losing video games (his favorite things) or tv time, going to bed early, etc. that did absolutely nothing. In fact, he began getting even sneakier.

Now he’s peeing the bed daily and is going through crazy lengths to hide it. He’s even hiding things in the basement underneath things. We have had ENDLESS talks. And I mean endless. Daily. For 2 years!!!!

We’ve tried reward charts, but smacks, grounding to the room for 1-2 days, losing privileges. He doesn’t care.

Today he did it again. He shoved 3 pairs of soaking wet underwear under toys in the playroom. We had to lock his door for months to stop him from doing this but we stopped because we put a camera in his room because I hated locking the door. But with the camera, he just lies and says “I left my room to just go potty and that’s it” when he wasn’t.

I feel SICK over this. I can’t do it anymore. My youngest child has a weak immune system and health issues and having a 7 year old hiding pee everywhere.. it’s so nasty. I’m constantly cleaning and sanitizing and it’s just too much. My oldest child feels sad because we’ve been so overwhelmed with the constant lies and stuff.

It’s just ridiculous and never stops. Today, when asked “why would you rather lie to me and get in so much trouble, than just be honest and not get in any trouble” and his answer was “because I thought I would just get grounded for a few days then you’ll let me out” that’s his answer every time. I can’t do this anymore

Update: he is not being abused. He’s with me 100% of the time. He lies about a lot of things, but mainly peeing the bed and whatnot. We’ve talked about embarrassment and stuff and talked about how we are here for him and will not make him feel uncomfortable and we talked about how it’s more embarrassing to hide them and smell like pee because his siblings hate going into his room because it always smells unless I’m scrubbing it down daily.

He is not delayed in any aspect. Pediatrician has been saying it’s normal for years and to ignore it. It’s past the point of ignoring it. He will stone wall us until we give in, and won’t ever be honest. He’s potty trained. He has accidents at night because he REFUSES to stop drinking out of the bathroom faucet (he’s not thirsty. Again, he’s just mad that his siblings don’t have the same restrictions and he has said that)