Is a 20 yr gap too much?

Hope I don’t get shamed. We are both adults: I’m 31 and hes 51.

I fell hard for this guy! Not going to share how we met since its very long and complicated

But long story short, i him during a very vulnerable time of my life about 2 Years ago when I was dealing with an abusive ex. I wasn’t even thinking about a relationship at that time or liking someone. I was trying to heal and he was there as a friend.

Shortly after my break up, we started hanging out alot and I told him I liked him and he said he liked me too. We started becoming intimate and talking everyday.

ALL my friends shamed for sleeping with a 50 year old man. I felt pretty bad! I then ended it with him because I had alot of shit going on. My ex was still stalking me, trying to mess with my life and had alot of court orders to take care of. My mental health was bad and I felt like I was becoming toxic. I truly apologized to him and he took it calmly. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and I also needed time to heal. I wanted to take things slow. What if I was just infatuated with him?

He distanced himself and carried with therapy! 8 months passed. Here I am alot better. I have lost weight, and my over all health Is great. Well this friend recently reconnected with me in January. Told him all my updates. We started going out as friends again. I felt good!

But here is where it gets serious…I like him alot still. I think its the way he treats me. I feel safe.

But I think he only sees me as a friend now and something tells me the age thing bothers Him all of sudden. He sounds very protective of me and gives me that platonic feeling. Idk what to even do. The text feels like something my dad would tell me. This is my Karma I feel for ending it with him. I was seriously not in the correct Space. Fyi: he mentioned my job because of my ex who used to follow me there