Help, I'm drowning 😭

I need help… My toddler has the hardest time falling asleep and nothing has made me feel more of a failure than that.

My 2.5 yo has always fought sleep and is happy (not grumpy) to be awake until 10 pm. I have tried everything since he was a baby: Firm routine with calming bath, soothing lullabies, reading a book, massage, red night light, complete darkness, melatonin (with his doctor’s suggestion but he falls asleep earlier but wakes up at 3:00-ish either crying or ready to start the day). I’ve tried liquid magnesium to rub on his feet, co-sleeping, sleep training - he will fight everything: getting fussy in bed, sitting up, trying to get out of bed, sliding into the corner of the bed (between bed and wall)… It’s gotten to the point where I sob in silence every night after he falls asleep, always feeling like a failure of a mom and wondering if there’s something wrong with him.

It doesn’t matter the adjustments on his bedtime: 6:30, 7:00, 7:30 and lately even starting his routine a little late (8pm) to see if he would resist less… Nothing works. He still takes at least one hour after we close the book to fall asleep, and most of that time trying anything to fight sleep including crying (even tho he’s yawning).

I also have a 10 month old who’s ready to sleep by 7pm, so that adds even more to me feeling like I’m never available to the baby. I leave my toddler’s room (or my bed if he’s sleeping with me) close or past 10 pm and the feeling of defeat crushes me every time.

I work and he goes to daycare, but even before it’s always been that way. He gets home from daycare (where he has a 2 hour nap) and I always take him outside to the backyard to play ball, ride his bike, go down the slide, anything that will get his energy out. Nothing works… What am I doing wrong? I can’t continue crying every night and not find a solution to help my sweet baby boy. I feel like I’m falling apart… Anyone ever been through the same? I could really use some help here… Thanks.