Want some opinions

Good or bad, I just need some opinions from others because I literally can’t think logically rn.

I was fwb with a guy for three months, last month he asked for a break and I did not respect it because I had some issues at the time, he eventually just removed me from Snapchat where we had communicated.

I was 1 month pregnant when he blocked me, like I found out the exact same day actually, I was gonna tell him and there it was “this person had not added you back yet”. So obviously I felt overwhelmed, and even tho he hadn’t removed me from the dating app where we had started talking initially, I didn’t tell him. Few days later and I went on a vacation with my family, I told myself I would tell him when I got back, but then I miscarried while on vacation.

It’s been a year now and I got a reminder on snap, a video of me sobbing in the bathtub on vacation while actively miscarrying. And I started to miss him again, I think about him quite often because he was actually quite good to me and I want my potential partners to treat me the same if not better, but I’ve started actually considering reaching out to him now. He made me feel so safe, and beautiful, and calm, and overall good. I’m thinking he was the right person, just at the wrong time. We both had our issues at the time, but I have grown a lot since then, found out I have BPD so I’m in treatment for that. I honestly just want my friend back, if nothing else, if you find someone that makes you feel that safe then maybe they’re meant to be in your life right? Well I got curious and looked up his dating profile where we’re still matched and it’s active so I could actually come in contact with him. I want to reach out in hope that I could get him back in my life, but would that be a mistake? Worst thing that could happen is that he rejects me or just blocks me and that’s already my reality so wouldn’t be any different. I’ve changed, I’ve worked through my issues and I’m doing soooo much better than I did when we were fwb. What do you guys on here think?

(Also English is not my first language so sorry for any writing mistakes)

Edit: obviously I would say sorry for everything I did and didn’t do.