What do you think?

Question

So my partner of 9 years says that I should never discuss any negativity of our relationship with anyone. (he also hates this app)
The issue is that my relationship is potentially (likely) emotionally and financially abusive. I have discussed it with my friends (whom my partner has tried to distance me from) and he's been wanting to control all my conversations.
So I locked all my communication apps on my phone and now we're fighting about that because he assumes I did that because I am definitely cheating, even though I told him why I locked them. I want my private conversations with my friends private.
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after some comments 
I feel like I need to add that I have only discussed some with my 2 girl best friends.

Accepted Answer

I think he’s controlling and it’ll only get worse unless you put a stop to it

Answer

You have the right to talk to whoever you want about your relationship whether it's negative or positive. ￼In fact, you should be talking to people about your abusive relationship to hold yourself and your partner accountable. ￼When someone says they don't want you to talk about the negatives, it's because they know it's bad enough for people to dislike them. And that should tell you something. ￼

Answer

Oh boy. I agree it isnt good to blabber to your family about your fights. But this is definitely controlling and abusive.

Answer

It's time to leave.

Answer

He seems to not want you to confirm your suspicions about him being abusive. Definetly controlling. My SO has never said hey let me say what you tell your friends ever. We have access to eachothers phones but he doesn't go and read messages

Answer

My ex husband was like that too. He escalated to not letting me have my phone, only use it in his presence and send things with his approval. Then worse abuse started like, rationing my food and water, physical things, sexual things, even his parents would take turns abusing me in different ways. I was finally released from that prison when I was too sick to even stand. He literally dropped me at my parent's doorstep. I was lucky to get out with my life. I'm not saying that everyone that controls your interactions will get to the point of almost killing you, it's just more likely

Answer

Why do you want to be with someone who is abusive?

Answer

If you have an issue with anyone you should always talk to them first. Your friends and family will be biased with you. So going to them will validate your concerns but will not solve any issues between your boyfriend and you. In a healthy relationship you should talk directly to that person. 
From what you described, your relationship with your boyfriend isn’t healthy. When dating- scrutinize. When married you work it out. Move on and find someone who is patient kind and isn’t easily angered. Someone you can work towards marriage with. Someone who will promote healthy dialogue between you both so you don’t have to rally your friends and family to validate and support your concerns. He needs to work on creating a safe place to talk and you need to work on discernment and listening to yourself when you know inside you need to move on. Your friends and family shouldn’t have to validate that for you. You should be able to go to the person you have an issue with and work through things with a healthy dialogue. Don’t settle until you find that.

Answer

My husband and I don’t embarrass each other in front of our friends, (ie making jokes about something stupid one if did in a large group setting) but if it’s a potentially abusive situation that is 100% different. We talk about our relationship in private with close friends, the good the bad and the ugly and that’s a part of how we process things and learn to treat each other better. Outside perspectives are good for that. If he doesn’t want you to have access to outside perspectives, that’s already abusive.

Answer

if you’re not ready to call it quits, have you guys had real, uncomfortable conversations about everything you’ve mentioned? if nothing is changing/changed, then you have to decide if it’s something you want to continue to endure or not.

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