Divorced! Now the Challenges Begin...

Divorce is now final! I am glad that it is but I am not sure how to receive the changes coming.

My ex moved out and now it is just me (pregnant) plus 8 children, all 5 years and under. Since moving out, he comes by for breakfast with the kids and comes by for bedtime routine with the kids. He used to do the nighttime feedings, which means I will need to do them going forward and that alone is going to be a big change for me. I will no longer get to sleep through the night, which has been a plus in my mental health and happiness to actually get a full 6-8 hours of sleep, as I do not ever get to nap during the day; not even when the kids are napping.

But my ex also plans to take the children with him for his days off at least twice a month (for 2 days straight each time), so those times can become my ME time. But it is still so many changes coming about and I just don't know how I will manage day to day and in between those ME times.

It was truly manageable with a partner, in the same home, as we split cooking, cleaning, laundry, caring for the kids, etc. Now I will have to do the cooking, clean, laundry and much more without any assistance, as he will no longer be in the same home. I feel a lot of anxiety, which is not good during pregnancy to be feeling and I feel worried, I will not be able to manage and care properly for all 8 of my kids and myself too (especially since pregnant).

I have never felt afraid of failing as a mother and I have never felt afraid of not being able to manage it all--8 kids, home, self. Because of these feelings, I have reached out to my parents and siblings as well as my ex's parents and siblings--to ask for help if at all possible--with the children. Of course everyone said they'd help but unless they apply action to those words, I will not ask again. This is my first time, ever asking for help from family or friends, as I have always refrained from doing that.

I think I will find ways to manage for the rest of this year since their Dad is nearby, but once me and my children relocate at the end of this year, I will definitely need help; by the time the move across the map comes, I will have 9 children, with my youngest being 3 months old.

To my surprise, when I reached out to parents and siblings for help, everyone seems excited to help and to make plans to help; one of my siblings expressed how they wanted to help prior but I never allowed it so she is excited I am finally allowing help. It took months for me build up courage to ask for help, as I have always prided myself in figuring it all out without any help from anyone other than my partner (now ex-husband).

I am grateful for the help that will be planned for me to receive and I am grateful my ex and I can co-parent with no issues and respectably; hopefully everyone stays true to their words especially my ex. But even with the supportive ex-husband and families, I am still fearful of the day to day and how I will manage. I am glad that by the time of the move, 4 of my 9 children will be in school, which will help a bit, but that will still leave me at home with 5 children, whom will require my attention all day and night. Just thinking of all the changes coming makes me cry; I cry in the shower, I cry myself to sleep at night, I cry whenever I call my Mom to talk about my feelings and update her on the kids. And I have even talked to my ex-husband and he encouraged me to tell him if at any time I feel extremely overwhelmed and he will be jump in and care for the kids. But again, even with all this help on stand-by, I am afraid of how I will manage it all (even though I currently have a fairly decent routine/schedule in place). My ex cannot just leave work at any random moment to be there to care for the kids, so things do need to be planned. So the day to day, makes me nervous and of course I fear I will become a terrible mother, if I am unable to manage and if I become excessively tired and sleep deprived.

Any tips? Advice? Pointers? What would you do? Any single mothers with 3+ kids that have any words of wisdom for managing it all, mostly alone or alone?