Advice on leaving?

I want to divorce my husband but I don’t know where to start. I’m a sahm of 7. (I had 3 when we got married) He was a different person then or rather hid who he truly is very well. My ex husband isn’t in our kids lives, he went mia after the divorce so my now husband has been their father role for 7 years. I don’t really want to divorce but I know I need to. He doesn’t handle my oldest son very well (he is autistic) sometimes I think he says things to trigger a meltdown for him on purpose. And my 3rd child is very neat and organized and sensitive, lately my husband makes fun of him for that and calls him “girly.” It pisses me off but I think that’s exactly why he does it. He hasn’t worked in about 6 weeks, we’ve been living off savings and I can’t do this anymore. I have no family help here. My siblings are a couple states over and my parents still work so I don’t know what to do about leaving and working and childcare. But I’m not going to sit here and live this way any longer.