I’m so conflicted and confused

I just found out my husband was texting/calling his ex from Sept 2021-Jan 2022 daily and often for the whole day. He was deleting their conversations so I don’t know what they talked about. I only found out because I saw our phone records on our app and they went back that far. He says it wasn’t sexual but my gut says he’s lying about that. He did block her Jan 2022 but I had no clue this even happened until this week, March 23,2023 to be exact. According to the records they haven’t talked since, which helps I guess but I still feel betrayed. After confronting him about this he did admit it was her and said he knows he’s wrong for doing it and lying to me and that he talked to her out of boredom (which I don’t believe) but as we continued to fight he said he wasn’t going to tell me anymore details and that he wants a divorce. He went on to say (after I questioned him more) that he doesn’t want a relationship with her and he’s not attracted to her. I kept asking why I am not enough, what about her is so much better than me which he said nothing. Of course like an idiot I begged him to work on things and now I feel like he thinks that everything’s fine.

The day after this fight he was cold and mean. If I tried to ask more questions or anything he’d immediately leave the room, he refused to kiss me/hug me and even slept in a different room. He basically was mad that I’d found out and confronted him and didn’t want to deal the aftermath. Now 2 days later he’s been kissing me and of course I’m kissing him too. It’s almost like even though I’m so hurt I want nothing than to be close to him and still feel loved. Now I’m scared I’ve “taught” him that even though he betrayed me I’m still gonna be here and idk what to do next to make him realize I’m hurt and he needs to change. My support system says I need to focus on loving myself and in turn he may change but idk how to do that.