No fetus shown on scan today HCG at 38

I’m actually so so heartbroken, I’d been spotting on and off for about 5 days now with having 2 small clots and red bleeding (on tissue only never enough to reach my sanity towel) I had a scan today to check on baby and it was like tunnel vision hearing “I’m sorry I can’t see a pregnancy in your uterus” I don’t even know why I’m writing this but I feel so so lonely. Everyone is treating me like I should just get over it because “it wasn’t a baby” or “thankfully you where only 6 weeks” but my heart is hurting so much I hate my body for doing this I hate myself. I know these things are super common. I’ve had early losses before so you’d think I’d be used to it but this pain in my heart is hurting so so bad. I’ve still not had a “proper” bleed like I did with the others… I’m just sat waiting and watching for it to happen. My hcg is 38 and I’m back on Friday for repeat bloods lord knows why 😪 I just want to crawl and hide away from everyone and everything but I can’t my children need to see me being the best mum I can be. So sorry for the rant I just…. I dunno I just needed to write