In January I will be with my boyfriend for 6 months. He was my best friend from day one and we've had our ups and downs but we've always just ended up making up. I've been through enough relationships that I feel broken in a sense and I don't feel like anything would ever last..I feel like soon enough they're bound to leave me because who could deal with someone like me ? I'm not perfect but at the same time I am demanding the standards I set for him and myself aren't the same like I really dislike it when he talks to a girl he had a crush on not because i don't trust him but a part of me always thinks he would prefer her more than me because she's pretty or kind..and I would talk to my ex not because I still like him but because I feel like me talking to him was the only way to invoke the care he has for me like he was going to lose me..I don't like this about myself and I don't like how verbally abusive I can be because I have a tendency to call people "faggot" and "bitch" or "loser" not because I truly hate them but that's just how I am...I don't know what to do because I like him...I think about him all the time I think about sharing food with him and about sleeping in his arms but at the same time I don't think I'm the right match or fit for him...what should I do..?