It's times like this where I wish I had friends to talk to. I've thought about getting myself into therapy because I have so many feelings that I just bottle up. This is kind of an update from anyone who's seen my post about a girl claiming she was pregnant with my 16 year old son's baby. My son told me straight up he's never slept with her or any girl. I didn't really believe him because boys his age gave sex and my son struggles with drug addiction thanks to his father getting him hooked on drugs at 13. Turns out the girl was lying and pretending to be her mother to get money out of us. Me and my son were talking about it more today. I apologized again for not believing him and he said it's cool. I asked him "So you really have never had sex? Because thinking about it I don't think we ever personally had the sex talk. I've only sent you to sex Ed at school." He told me he's never had sex and didn't need a sex talk. I told him he definitely still needs one. Virgin or not. He told me "Mom. Do you know why I've never had sex? Do you want me to be honest." Which of course I said I always want him to be honest with me and he said it's because he realized a long time ago why would he need a female to feel good when the feelings he gets from drugs is more than enough. That almost made me cry. He relapsed not too long ago. He has spent a year in and out of rehab. He also said even if he got sober he never planned on being with women..I asked was he gay and he said "I've never really put thought into my sexuality but that's not why. I went down a rabbit whole looking at reddit post of people who have dated past drug addicts or drug addicts and everyone says to never date them because it will always be something." I tried to tell him that some people out there are willing to give people who had struggles a chance but he said he doesn't want to be a person who's given a chance. He said these exact words. "I'm gonna be the ultimate male feminist. By not being someone's burden. I'm just gonna be alone." I told him he's not a burden and what he said next broke my heart. He said "I am. And if I could walk out of your life right now I would. To save you from my bullshit. I'm a burden." I was trying so hard not to cry and told him he just needs help and he said everyone keeps saying that but he doesn't want to feel his feelings. He brought up something he never talks about which is his rape where his dad allowed a drug dealer to rape him while my son was fucked up on fentanyl which he OD's on. He said his therapist and everyone wants him to feel those feelings. He doesn't remember it but when his brain starts trying to give him those memories he wants it to stop. And drugs stop them. He doesn't want to remember and he doesn't want to feel his feelings. This was the deepest conversation we've ever had. Idk if him telling me these feelings is a good thing as in maybe he's wanting to open up, or just mean he's saying he doesn't wanna be sober. But either way I'll bring it up to his therapist. I just want him to be ok. If there are any recovering addicts. What helped you?