I have a question. I have been with my husband for years. He has done some awful shit to me and abused me . Man i have so many stories and memories of painful moments. From stitches to more stitches. Being jumped on and choked out. You name it he’s done it to me. Emotionally and verbally too. I stayed due to money being low on my part and not being able to provide for myself. It’s been 13 years that we have been together and the physical abuse has happened three times in the past 2 years. Hes not as physically violent as he was when he was in his twenties now he’s just an asshole and nice in moments too. Which confuses me and hurts more. But my thing is now i feel like I’m angry and always on edge prepared for a fight prepared to defend myself. He says I’m abusive now and I’m always yelling. Hell I might yell i admit i am so angry and i cry at night by myself or whenever I’m in the bathroom because i dont want to be this angry and have these nasty thoughts. I look at him soooooooo different and i try to leave and boom I’m the weak one I’m a weak woman let him tell it or it’s my fault or the physical abuse happened years ago and i need to be a wife and get over it. I just feel trapped and angry . I blame myself maybe i am abusive now from all the abuse i got dealt with 😢