Every SINGLE time

I’m so depressed & aggravated. 2 months without a period, weeks of denying that I could be. Then the very day I believe “I may be pregnant” is the day I start spotting. I checked my cervix last night, high & soft. Checked it twice today. First time lower and the latest time.. a bit of blood!!! I just don’t get it 😭😭😭 this has to be some short of sick game that the universe/god plays!! Women who abuse and neglect their kids get 5 while I pray every month for one and get none!! I swear !! I just want my rainbow baby 😭