What do I do if my partner isn’t being a great parent?

I know, I know what that sounds like but just hear me out ok? I’m a mom to two year old twins and am pregnant with a third baby. Life is tough right now. I 100% get that.

My partner just seems as though they are having an extra hard time I guess. He is the sole financial provider for us and being as I’m in my first trimester he has taken on some extra housework that I haven’t been able to keep up with. I’m nearing the end though and my energy is returning so i have been starting to pick back up my slack. I am very grateful for all his help but he skulks around the house and is constantly complaining about it. He insists I should take breaks when I need to, or go lie down when I need to but will then complain that he is also tired and his fuse is short. I don’t understand. So I try to not take breaks as to not upset him.

Since the twins turned 2 he has become incredibly distant from them, he yells at them constantly, and getting him to put down his phone and play with them is near impossible. He is struggling with some mental health issues and family issues and I have repeatedly offered help in the form of therapy, medication, anything I can. But he adamantly refuses it all. He comes home from work and just plays on his phone. He is very short with me and the kids. The worst part is the second they are down he tries to be extra nice to me and it’s honestly off putting to me because I don’t understand why he cant be that way when are awake? He is not like this all the time but I would say a good 75% of the time.

I have had several conversations with him about the effects of him yelling at the twins and outbursts of anger on the twins and also on his relationship with me to which he tells me he knows but he won’t do anything to change. Again, I have asked him to go talk to a professional (offered to go with him, let him go alone whatever he is comfortable with) in order to help him heal himself but also for the sake of our marriage and he still refuses. I can’t stress enough how much i have stressed to him that it is so important he is in a good place mentally and that he deserves to feel good and heal his trauma. I am trying my hardest to be as sensitive to him as possible while also keeping two toddlers and my very nauseous and exhausted self alive daily and it. Is. Hard.

I am reaching a point where I do not feel connected to this person anymore. He refuses to help himself. He refuses to play with the kids. He just yells and tells them no. I know that he does love them and I know that he is struggling but what the heck do I do? I’m at a loss. I can’t force someone to help themselves and I totally get the stress of daily life. But living with someone who is just miserable and yelling and snaps all the time is awful.

Any advice you can give me, please do. Please please please be kind. I am writing this at my wits end and have no friends or family to talk to about this. Thank you.