Doesn’t help?

Question

Does anyone else’s spouse just not help you when you are cleaning? I told myself I was going to clean today and mentioned to him I’m going to clean and woke up before my spouse and daughter and started cleaning our bathroom. When he woke up I asked him if he wanted to go with me and our daughter to the pool and he told me that he wanted to relax. He didn’t go to work today and I thought he would at least say I’ll help you with cleaning. But like always he complains to me when the house is a mess or dirty and I’m a woman I should be having the house clean all the time. And I get upset cause he can make our bathroom so dirty after I clean it. That I will leave it like that so he can be the one to clean it . I’m just annoyed everybody sorry for the rant.

Answer

He sounds like a teenage boy not a grown man. You shouldn’t have to tell someone to clean up after themselves or be an active participant in household chores. My husband and I both clean the same amount even though he works and I’m a SAHM. Every time I’m nap trapped or busy with our toddler he will fully clean a room because it needs to be done. I would be embarrassed to be with someone who things I should clean just because Im a woman, thats ridiculous.

Answer

We fully communicate our expectations for one another. 
“Hey we need to get some cleaning done today so we can have fun. I’ll clean the bathroom while you do the kitchen. Then we can tackle laundry together. It sucks but it has to be done.” 
I feel like you are sitting around waiting for him to do something you’ve never asked of him. 
And cleaning is not the woman’s job. We both own the home so we both have to maintain the home.

Answer

My husband cleans regularly. He doesn’t wait to be asked or told. He has eyeballs in his head, and he’s my partner, so he does his part.

Answer

My husband does ‘help,’ in his own way but our idea of cleaning varies considerably.  He wanted a list of things that needs doing I kinda refused for years because the way I saw it if I need to write a list then I may as well do it myself or if I have to direct him what needs doing again I may as well do it myself - we have 6 children and another on the way, 5 of which are teens and pre teens and I direct them I didn’t need an additional child to direct also 😂🙈 but then I made a chore bored which I’ve posted the picture with my comment.  (It’s now filled in properly) and I also have put everything like washing up after meals, hoovering, dusting, sweeping etc.  I do still do the majority of the cleaning but I have shared easier jobs out between them all it’s given me daily direction and also husband (and kids) I think what helps is my husband wants to help but equally is unable to know what actually needs doing to keep the home clean and tidy.  He does try but unfortunately he never cleans to my standards which I’m having to get over haha xx

Answer

He should go live with his momma if he wants to behave like a child.

Answer

My partners clean something daily. They have weekly chores just like I do and always complete them 100%.

Answer

My husband helps clean and cook, I don’t ask he just does it. Also helps take care of our 5 kids when he’s home.

Answer

We have actually sat down and discussed this periodically throughout our marriage depending on the circumstances (eg at times I worked full time or had a newborn so the demands vary) and Im surprised you havent. Im a SAHM of 4 homeschooled kids so I do the laundry, dishes and most of the cooking. Then we do family chores time as part of our weekly routine every Thursday late afternoon where we (kids included) put music on and work simultaneously on a chores list (vacuum, bathrooms etc) until it's done, then we have icecream as a reward. Suffering in silence and growing resentful isnt good. Talk about it in a nice way but not a vague 'help more' and not 'you shouldve helped, you never help!' accusations dont help, be solution focused and agree on a consistent system. We tried just divvying out responsibility to do it whenever, but then we would slack, so a set weekly simultaneous time worked better for us.  I also strongly feel that teaching kids collective responsibility of the household is an important value vs we can be slobs and mom cleans after us, nope, they need to see everyone helping including them, and it helps them keep things cleaner cuz they help clean (age appropriate of course)

Answer

My husband and I both have full time jobs so we both help around the house. If I get up and start cleaning once he realizes what I’m doing he’ll get up and help. I don’t have to ask him. He just does it.

Answer

My husband cleans without being asked and doesn't wait until I tell him I'm going to clean. He has eyes to see when something needs cleaned and sees that we both make messes and that we both need to clean up after the baby and toddler.

Doesn’t help?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey