Husband won’t stop smoking weed

I introduced weed to my husband 10yrs ago when we started dating. We did it recreationally for fun. It was a big part of our relationship for about 2-3yrs. I got an internship at a government agency with drug tests so I quit for that year (we lived in different states). He continued smoking but on his own. After that year we moved back in together and got married. We smoked together but I was starting to feel like I was psychologically addicted to it and it became less fun because we did it so often (this had started happening within those first 2-3yrs of our relationship too). I put rules on my use, like I would only smoke on weekends or at parties. He still smoked whenever he played video games (which was every night), which made me concerned about his ability to stop. Video games became the way he could get weed and he would play even if he didn’t want to play so he could feel justified in smoking. When I tried to persuade him to hang out with me for a night without smoking he would get super cranky at me and I felt like the whole time he just wanted to go smoke. Our relationship was still great during the day when it was not his normal time to smoke.

About a year later I got pregnant so I quit smoking again. I was so tired during my pregnancy that I would go to bed at 8pm and be would smoke weed and play video games every night. I told him that when the baby arrives things needed to change and that I was okay with him getting it out of his system during my pregnancy but that I didn’t want to be with someone who is cranky and pissy if they can’t smoke. He agreed.

His psychological addiction is extremely unattractive to me. He’s 100% doing it out of habit and not to manage mental health stuff. He’s always got a reason why he should do it (he had a good day, he had a bad day, he’s too awake, he’s too tired, everything is an excuse to smoke).

Anyway, our baby comes and he goes about 30 days smoke free. Then after we have a conversation he starts smoking outside, which I’m okay with. I’m breastfeeding so I’m not smoking plus with a baby I don’t feel comfortable being messed up anymore. I feel like I have a responsibility to be alert and able to handle an emergency with my child. He smokes so much that he could probably handle an emergency while high but I just still hate it.

Anyway, I breastfed for 2yrs and didn’t smoke. By the time I was not breastfeeding, I was so turned off by his use and inability to control himself that it made smoking weed with him no longer fun. Which is a total bummer because I LIKE smoking weed. I introduced it to him because it’s fun! But he’s out of control with it and it’s lost his magic (though if I did it with a girlfriend it would be fun).

Anyway, I got pregnant again two years later and quit smoking again (there were only a few months where I wasn’t breastfeeding so there was wasn’t much time for me to smoke). At 8days postpartum he’s got the itch to smoke. I feel bad for telling him no but I hate that he does it. He tries to manage the smell but I can always smell it and I know our toddler can too. I appreciated growing up in a house that didn’t smell like weed every night and I don’t want my girls to have that experience. I told him that and he agreed he doesn’t want our girls to have that experience.

I finally gave in and said do it because I feel bad trying to control his behavior. He’s got to want to quit or reduce his use on his own. Anyway, he did it and then said he wouldn’t again until the weekend, which I was fine with. But the next night, he snuck out of bed and went to smoke. Like I said I have a crazy good nose so I smelled it thru the vents and on his clothes when he came back. This morning I was kinda pissy and he asked if I was mad at him. I asked him If he smoked last night and he said no. I said yes you did and then he did admit it. I didn’t yell or anything (because that’s not what I do) I’m just disappointed that he can’t manage this at all. I just want him to be okay smoking on the weekends and not be pissy and cranky or urging me to go to sleep so he can go smoke. It makes me feel like he cares more about smoking then spending time with me. I do appreciate that he waits until the kids go to bed but that’s our time together and i know he would deny it but it feels like he would rather smoke weed than hang with me. What should I do?