Struggling with sin

I was saved maybe about three years ago. Before that, I was in an abusive and manipulative relationship and just at an awful place in life. To say God saved my life would be an under statement, he completely flipped my life upside down and I dedicated my whole life to him. After that I started dating my now wonderful fiancé. He has always been a strong believer also but lately he has been slipping in his faith as he puts it. We have had a few lapses in judgement and had premarital sex. It happens maybe every few months and both of us always really regret it, we apologize to each-other and then we pray and ask God for forgiveness. I hate the way it makes me feel because it makes me feel farther away from God. My fiancé and I are really trying different methods to flee from it. I never initiate it, but sometimes it’s too hard for me to say no or push him away when he comes onto me really hard. We have about five months left until the wedding. I really want to not do this and to strengthen my faith and restore my relationship with Christ, I don’t want to be backslidden anymore. I hope and pray that God forgives me and my fiancé, I am so concerned he is not going to forgive me because we have struggled with this so long. I really would appreciate maybe some encouragement or advice from anyone who has been in a similar place? Thank you

469 views • 7 upvotes • 17 comments

COMMENT (17)

Re

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God forgives so take that worry off your plate but keep in mind the Bible teaches us that there is no temptation too strong to say no to even though we feel like there is. Jesus died on the cross to free us from sin so we have the ability to walk away from it. I would talk to your fiancé and make sure you all are equally yoked. As a man of God he should have protecting your relationship with God as top priority and should not be putting you in the position of having to feel pressured or tempted into premarital sex. God calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church so much that He gave His own life for her. If your fiancé isn’t thinking of things this way he should as it’s part of entering a marriage. May God give you wisdom and peace.

Re

Reva • Oct 4, 2023
Thank you! God is so good to us and I know one day when we see how bad and serious sin really is we will see we were holding on to tin foil and trash when Gods ways were leading us to real treasure.

M

M • Oct 4, 2023
Very good points! I thought of all of that after I did my post.

E

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Been in your shoes before, it’s really hard fighting flesh and staying holy. Honestly I’d recommend if you can’t wait 5 months, to go have a courthouse wedding or something (no one needs to know) and then have the big wedding later on.

Mi

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My story is the same as yours.All knowing, all forgiving God would not hold an account of premarital sex so harsh. If you are married in each others eyes then I’d strongly say you’re married in Gods eyes. After all did he not bring you two to each other? Did he not change your life? The act of sex is spiritual and sacred and a gift from God. (Between two people who love and know God and want to hold an account to God by getting married) A wedding is to show the World your love. God already knows. Keep the faith, you are only human.

Ho

HolisticMamacita 💖 • Oct 8, 2023
Replace love with your word covenant then if you so desire. I stand by what I said. A sanctioned union is not deemed by the state papers and thousands of dollars for you to feed other people and throw a party. That’s also not marriage. The union between two is of two becoming one…under God. It’s entering a state of consciousness as One. Is god not omnipotent? Omnipresent? Omniscient? The modern version of God Fearing biblical interpretation creates evil and judgement. Casting fear and resentment as OP is expressing in her post when she is literally with the man she already is committed to but your projection of what should be is casted upon her creating doubt in her own senses. I would argue the opposite of leading astray…your version of what should be leads others to not trust themselves. That’s not Godly.

H

H • Oct 8, 2023
i'm not equating love to a marriage license. I'm equating marriage to a covenant , which is the definition. The Biblical definition of marriage is not "love" as you see fit to define it.

Ho

HolisticMamacita 💖 • Oct 8, 2023
If God only lives external to you…you may believe so. Love under God and love under marriage license produce very different outcomes longterm. To believe the later is the only God given approval is false and leading other believers astray.

M

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It’s so interesting to see this post this morning because I’m struggling as well. I was just praying about it. I’ve read doing activities to distract or fill your time so you don’t get tempted works and also not being alone together, especially at night. Someone suggested that if you can’t wait then to go to a courthouse and do it before the actual wedding and I thought of that but if you wanted to do a church wedding, I’m sure a pastor could help with that. I really hope everything works out perfectly and know that God can see your struggles and your efforts. Just keep praying and keep your eyes focused on Jesus. Another thing is maybe you can get premarital counseling from a pastor and that might help with some of it. May the Lord send you many blessings throughout your marriage!

Ca

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His love is so great that he forgives ALL sin. Stay in the word, have a chat with God, have a chat with your fiancé, and stay strong! You both need to stay strong for success here and use God as your compass, not your worldly emotions!

Co

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We’ve all been there girl. Don’t be defeated. Understand lust for what it is, stop putting yourselves in situations to slip up (being in bed together, staying over late, being alone unsupervised in private) and get some strong accountability in your life (older couples, younger married couples, other engaged couples) so you have a solid, faith-filled community around you. Trust me, this will pass! When you get married, that lust dies all the way down — you’ll be wondering why you don’t wanna have sex as often. But the lesson of DISCIPLINE and WAITING on the Lord is one you both need to learn, especially your soon-to-be husband. If He can’t wait on the Lord, how can he lead his family? (Not saying he can’t, just perspective lol) Godspeed my sister in Christ. Praying for us all in this time of waiting 🙏🏽

B

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You need to trust Jesus as your Saviour who already paid for all your sins almost 2,000 years ago. Then you need to realise that makes you a new creation who is able to say no to sin. Having a long wait for your wedding is difficult. You both need to talk and plan a way of escape for when the moment arises if you want to wait till marriage. Guilt and shame will plague you if you succumb because it's something you don't want to do right now. Does he know how you feel? Talk, talk, talk, both now and in your marriage. And remember that Jesus took care of all your sins already and is waiting with open arms for you. You will never be good enough for eternal life and you don't have to be, all because HE was and HE resurrected from the dead on your behalf to give you life!

Ka

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God sees your effort. Keep talking to your fiancé about this. Communicate these feelings with him. It’s very hard when you’re in love and waiting to be married. Could you move the wedding sooner? Maybe consider that if you can.

Sa

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God does forgive us, and after you’re married you won’t feel that guilt anymore. I had premarital sex with my now husband and I felt so guilty each time doing it, but now I know to teach my daughters why it’s so sacred and important. Not that this is a good excuse, but I never had anyone tell me why we should save ourselves before marriage and both my parents lived with and had sex with a boyfriend/girlfriend and my husbands parents were never married though they acted like it. Maybe you could go to the courthouse and do a quick marriage without telling anyone and then have your actual wedding ceremony in 5 months, that way you aren’t in “sin”. Either way, congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

Ci

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I personally would think this to be the last place to look for biblical advise. I never even read these things but this some how caught my eye and showed up right when I went to track my period. But here is my two cents..... Go to the courthouse get married, and then in five months have the actual wedding celebration and reception. If you both want to spend your life in oneness before the Lord there is no reason to put it off. God does forgive but we are called to repent and flee from our sin. Being alone with him is just you asking for trouble. Where is your church body and family that is holding you both accountable? Praise the Lord that you are ashamed. That is the Holy spirit convicting you and calling you out of your sin. The more you sin against God the more it quites that still small voice. Sex is a gift of God that is so special but it only belongs to the married saints. By you two having sex outside of marriage it sets your relationship up as an abomination before the Lord and He will never bless the union of you two when your both out right acting as enemies of the most high. Make the choice to honor God. Your body and soul belong to Him. It is hard but that's not an excuse, it will always be hard to take your flesh captive and submit it to the holy spirit. It's hard to not lie, or not gossip or to not cheat or slander or steal or judge but we are still called to do the hard things. If you can't obey God in this small thing you will always fail to obey in the big hard things. Yes God will forgive and is rich in mercy and grace but those thing belong to His children. Don't claim Christ with your mouth and deny Him with your actions. The Word says it's better to be like hot or cold because if your like warm He will spit you out. Our moto in life should be ALL OF CHRIST FOR ALL OF LIFE. Get into your word and take on God's opinions and views as your own. Put on the armor of God so you can flee the fiery darts of the devil. And hold your fiance accountable. If he is willing to sin with you and sin against his God, there will come a time he will be willing to sin against you.